Thursday, November 20, 2008

SL/RL Synthesis Note (24): *I* Set ME Free

Song of the Moment: "Sojourn of Arjuna" by Bela Fleck & the Flecktones

It has been sometime since I've written a note. In recent months I've been seriously contemplating the meaning of my life... first and second. My relationship with SL continues to be a battle, for which I have consistently sought a peaceful resolve. There are no words to express what I have gained and lost in my time here and in a few days, I will meet my rez day for the second time. I began the SL/RL Relationships Group discussions as I sought answers around SL relationships and only recently have I discovered that it is my relationship with SL that is of primary concern and importance for me.

The question has always been, "Who am I and what am I supposed to be doing?" I grew so tired of the rigor of RL and the constant anxiety around fulfilling some societal, predetermined life purpose, that ultimately I was forced to surrendering to something outside of myself (out of my realm of control) to give me guidance and direction.  It was then that I found SL. The connections I have made here have filled me with joy, fear, pain. Through exploration and experimentation, I have experienced many of the fantasies and ideals I had convinced myself would fulfill my RL if given the opportunity. I learned, however, that many of these fantasies were more facades which only continued to distort my view of who I am and my purpose for being. Regardless of who I pretended to be, the end result was always the same...a feeling of being unfulfilled.

I believe that I chose my life journey, prior to being conceived (human and avatar). That some how I was predestined to walk this path of self-discovery over the infinite possibilities. To discover my "self"... who it is I am destined to be. As I've traveled, however, I have been waiting for this discovery as though it would just show up one day and set me free. I would have arrived at my destination, achieved the goal! What I am beginning to understand, is that life is not a destination or is a CHOICE, a decision, a process of creation. I am learning that I can create whatever life I want in each moment if I can let go of needing to control the outcome. Letting go of the disappointment of things not turning out exactly as I had planned, but accepting and appreciating that I may be (co)creating something new, of which I would have never planned for or expected on my own. A partner and friend of the "Infinite" which reminds me that there are no mistakes.

 ... and with that understanding, I am accepting that the answer to my problems is knowing that each person, place or situation placed in my path is exactly the way it is supposed to be at that moment.

I am listening to my heart
      and in each moment
            making a choice
               stepping out on faith
                    and creating my journey.
Join me in manifesting destiny!

With love, peace and blessings

"Sojourn of Arjuna" by Bela Fleck & the Flecktones

So Arjuna and Krishna
   you know they're hanging out on the battlefield
Arjuna is like tired of war,
   he's trying to get out of this battle
so Krishna drops a little science on him,
   he says "You know, it's the way of spiritual growth
    a man must go forth from where he stands
    he cannot jump to the absolute, he must evolve toward it."
Krishna says, "At any given moment in time we are what we are,
   Arjuna we have to accept the consequences of being ourselves
   and only through this acceptance can we begin to evolve further
   we may select the battleground but we cannot avoid the battle."


so Krishna tells Arjuna,
   "It follows therefore that every action under certain circumstances
     and for certain people may actually be a stepping stone
     to spiritual growth."
Arjuna is to do the best he knows
in order to pass beyond that best to better
How can we prescribe our neighbors to be perfect
when it is so hard to know our own heart?

The pacifist must respect Arjuna
Arjuna must respect the pacifist.
Both are going toward the same goal.
If they are really sincere
There's an underlying solidarity between them
Which can be expressed
Each one follows without compromise the path upon which he finds himself
   for we can only help others to do their duty
   by doing what we ourselves believe to be right
   it is the one supremely social act.

So, Krishna's reply to Arjuna occupies the rest of the story
It deals not only with Arjuna's immediate personal problem
But the whole nature of action
The meaning of life
   and the aims for which man must struggle here on earth.

At the end of the conversation Arjuna has changed his mind
He's ready to fight, he's ready to go ahead on
It is the way of spiritual growth
   a man must go forward from where he stands
   he cannot jump to the absolute
   and the battle begins...

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

SL/RL Synthesis Note (23): "Yes, We Can!"

Originally Posted 11/05/2008

Song of the Moment: “Believe” by Q-Tip feat. D’Angelo (lyrics below)

Yes We CAN!!!

November 5, 2008 - As I write this family, I am so emotional my hands are shaking. I am so filled with joy, hope, and love with what I witnessed yesterday and last night. The election yesterday wasn’t just about the man who won, but the power of unity. A collective of people united for a purpose.. and a dream conceived, manifested! You made this happen… YOU the person reading this… the vital one of the whole.

As I stood in line for over 2 hours in the rain to cast my ballot, my heart was overwhelmed by the diversity of the faces, many of them smiling…perfect strangers connecting with one another, each moved to have their individual voices heard.

For many, the idea of Barak Obama, being elected President seemed unreal, but for a united majority, there was hope and belief in the possibility. The most seemingly impossible things, in this grand universe of infinite possibilities, manifests when there is genuine *belief* that it CAN happen. Think about all that is tangible around you. Look up from your screen, look around you and appreciate the power of conception…of a dream! The very computer screen on which you are reading this now started only as a conceived idea, that then someone believed could actually be done, although at the time, they may not have been sure how.

It is only when “belief” comes forth that something within us is activated. It becomes TRUE for us and then we need only focus on the process to have that dream manifest.

Last night was a victory, but the battle is only just beginning. This transforming moment was full acknowledgement that we each have, as individuals, the ability to impact a greater whole. And so now, we must move as a united collective toward bringing about the change we all have made clear we want and need. It is not ONE man that will make the difference, but ONE CONSCIOUSNESS…the belief of the people that we can each make a difference and BE all that we dream of becoming.

It is my hope that what has happened here will inspire others in their belief about the power of the collective when each individual is united for change. We are all (and must continue to be) the moving force in this process. A time of apathy is behind us! We must be ready to support and encourage one another to maintain this trust in change and belief in its manifestation.

Today, however, lets rejoice in our victory….. our UNITY… we are One, under God, INDIVISIBLE. Together we STAND!

One love… Bless XOXO

“Believe” by Q-Tip feat. D’Angelo

  That’s love (that’s love)
  That’s love
  That’s love (that’s love)
  That’s love (that’s love)


Of the things you believe
There’s a whole lot of work,
  we should roll up our sleeves
  and we got to hold firm
  we’re unfaithful while conceiving
Why doubt your plans
  ‘cause its all worth believing
We can make it work – do believe that
Leave mistrust in the dust
  and believe that
 we can achieve tact
By tuning out negative feedback
 Macicist can hate
  we concentrate to bring belief back
  and to ourselves and to the world,
  and to the rap game – MCs are miserable,
  they’re muse emotional, even light remains
Man look we holding out for the truth
If we're alone and aloof
We gonna hold for the proof
Man put it and believe it
Believe in believing
Seeing ain’t believing
It’s the feeling that we’re needing
Believe in each other
Put the question to the system
They promise and return? then question what your gettin’
We should believe in the reasons we existing
Time for renaissance to reawaken what is within
Belief can confirm, make it is when it isn’t
Sometimes I wish I had belief when I didn’t

  That’s love (that’s love)
  That’s love

In the land of make believe
Tryin’ to make ‘em believe the unbelievable
Taking believe to the realm of the real
Believe in the shit that’s force fed through the media
Believing its real, when it’s really a raw deal
Never disbelieve when you see human miracle
Like ghetto children shining bright in Babylon
Believing that
Don’t believe in stat.s
  To the contrary – you gotta be weary of those theories
Carry On

People find belief when they don’t find identity
Believe in your friends, don’t believe in your enemies
Mountains of doubt and disbelief are in front of you
TRUTH’s on the other side, what you gonna do?

Oooo I BE-LI-EVE ooo that’s love (that’s love)
Oooo I BE-LI-EVE ooo that’s love (that’s love)

Saturday, October 18, 2008

SL/RL Synthesis Note (22): "Yeah, ... but LOVE don't pay the RENT!?!"

Originally posted 10/18/2008

Song of the Moment: "Love Will" Ra-Re Valverde (feat. Paul Harder)
(lyrics below)

Over a year ago I awoke from a nightmare when I finally asked the question "what exactly is the point of it all?" Having reached all that my grandparents insisted I achieve "college educated, married, career mother of 2.5 kids (a daughter and boy/girl twins ~complete with the material accessories)," I felt disconnected, numb and unhappy.

It all felt pointless until I reevaluated what success is. It is so easy to overlook your blessings and be ungracious when you are focused on all the things you still need to acquire. In this constant striving, it is as though we are always seeking something more, many times at another’s expense. It amazes me how those who seemingly "have it all" seem to be just as unhappy as the rest of us, so I again question the point.

In the United States the consciousness is shifting, a move away from stagnation as people are craving change...something new, hope in a promise of Unity, collaboration, awareness and growth. When we begin to focus on this for our own lives, one by one this shift becomes more evident as groups, communities, a NATION begins asking the same question.

The always Love. Love of oneself, love of another, love for each other, love of our environment. It isn't just a "feeling," it is a state of BEING. When centered in it, there is a level of clarity and certainty that is unparalleled as it serves as the foundation for how we make decisions, how we treat others, the way we live our lives.

I realize that love in and of itself won't pay my bills. As much as I'd like to dedicate my entire life to spreading love and connection, unless I get paid for some aspect of it, I place my family at a disadvantage. However, I have faith in what loving and supporting others (versus competing with and undermining them) will allow me to build through the connections I make with people placed in my path. I TRUST the infinite nature of the universe and am grounded in the idea that there is enough for everyone if we are open to being connected as opposed to seeking ways to segregate from one another.

Being open to each person's insight helps me to remember that anything I aspire to achieve is possible. Where I am ignorant, you have knowledge. Like pieces of a puzzle, we fit together to create greater wisdom...but we must come together. No success is achieved alone and every question I ask is often answered if I am attentive and receptive to the people surrounding me.

More important than what we own, is how enriched our lives are through our relationships with others. It is relationship with another that creates learning, healing and growth in our lives...individually and collectively.

There is power in Unity...
                the power in becoming One.

Blessed love XOXO

                    ♥«´¨`°• OBAMA/BIDEN °•´¨`»♥
"Love Will" Ra-Re Valverde (feat. Paul Harder)

Mailbox is filled
Bill collectors wanting a piece
    of my dream
I'm holding on to what's left of me
I just gotta make it
Watching MTV lifestyles
    of the quick and famous
So how do I measure
    what's important to me

Cuz its the little things
Like knowing that somebody
    Needs me
The rest will come in due time
I know its the little things
Like knowing how this love can feed me
   and keep me high!

What happens when love don't pay the bills
How will we get by on the feeling
Who's gonna understand how hard we try
What happens when love don't pay the rent
and all the money's spent
Who's gonna understand the time
I'm telling you        LOVE will

How long will she stay
If my pen don't win
Is reality poverty?
   and if so, should I sign my life away
   to only gain
Pennies and  loose change

Cuz its the little things
Like knowing that somebody
    needs me
The rest will come in due time
I know its the little things
Like knowing how this love can feed me
   and keep me high!


Love will...
 get by
You will make it by
When we get by on love

We'll get by
We'll make it by
When we get by on love

We'll make it
We'll make it by


Wednesday, October 1, 2008

SL/RL Synthesis Note (21): "The Day *I* Died"

Song of the Moment: "Love's Victory" by Ronnie Laws (lyrics below)

As most of you know, I recently entered my darkest hour. There had been many seasons of darkness before it, but this by far was my deepest test of Truth. You know, at every crossroad, I have tried to examine the paths to understand the lesson and in choosing my direction, always felt *I* had finally turned the last corner...that bliss was just ahead in the distance. What I failed to realize is that on this journey, each crossroad forced a chipping away at a heavy load I have carried for a long time.

In this last stop in the road, there was little left and *I* felt defeated . All that was left, was that which I most used to define my SELF. Surely *I* had done enough…had worked hard and *I* was ready for the reward. However, there was part of me that *I* has defended, shielded and protected that *I* continued to hold onto tightly.

My relationships! ...feeding into them with the expectation that the bliss I sought would be returned....but in this last moment of darkness *I* felt lost... there were no words, no answers...NOTHING and so...

*I* LET GO....

Pain no longer paralyzed me... I let go, willing to accept whatever the consequences might be. And so there I stood, completely naked, dead to everything around me. First the fear reared its head once more and when I realized there was nothing left to lose, an overwhelming feeling of peace came over me.

There is a saying that "unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground,... it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." In this last surrender *I* was set free. My dependence on all things external for my sense of well being, self and gratitude GONE.

Beyond this moment? …my friends, love ones, SL family (damn have you all come through) have remained by my side... and all others fallen away. In that "empty" space a new love was created and born of it, more love to give... to receive.

Have I struggled since then? C'mon... YES ... but the experience of "grace" has given those struggles new meaning now. I understand that if I release it, accept it for what it is, and move only when I am able (being still and enjoying what  *can* do in each moment) that my days are less painful and problems... well no need to make "something" out of "nothing" at all.

In the flow.... care to join me (winks)

With overwhelming love,

"Love's Victory" by Ronnie Laws

Love is...
so good to me
Bring back sweet memories
You help to ease my mind
Such joy, never knew I'd find

I will celebrate love's victory

I feel an eternity
So close as you'll always be
Tears and pain can't get in my way
You gave me a brand new day

I will celebrate love's victory

(Music Interlude)

I will celebrate love's victory

Love is…
so good to me
Bring back sweet memories
You help to ease my mind
Such joy, never knew I'd find

I will celebrate love's victory

Sunday, September 21, 2008

SL/RL Synthesis Note (20): "What HAPPINESS is NOT..."

Originally Posted: 09/21/2008

Song of the Moment: "If I Need To Move On (Sometimes)" by Ladybug Mecca (lyrics below)

The past couple of weeks have been challenging. Thank you to those closest to me, who have expressed genuine care and concern around my disconnect in SL and RL.  There are times in your life when you have to learn to let go of the old to make room for something new. As persistent as I have been in following the path to something greater than myself, my faith has been tested more in the past month than ever before. A stand off between me and my faith ensued, when I questioned the point of it all. To hell with all this metaphysical, conceive~>believe~>achieve bullshit, I want the red pill to go back to sleep in physical reality and to enjoy the feel good damn it! (even if only in temporary spurts) This self-exploration crap is HARD! ...and then in a moment of painful silence, my heart, mind and soul in full chorus yelled "STOP!" ...and so I did...everything, every person, place and thing -- a non issue. I became totally SELFish for a moment... and you know what? It felt great!

The best thing about falling apart, is that you can then chose to pick up only the pieces you want. This pause allowed me to really examine my happiness (or lack thereof). The term is so vague…almost cliché'. People always talk about it, but when you try to nail down exactly what it is that would have it manifest in people's lives, folks never seem to be really certain. For me (and others I suspect), happiness isn't about *not* being sad. Happiness and sadness are the same side of one coin, which is why we can cry even when happy about something. The converse of happiness is BOREDOM, not feeling sad.

My struggle with staying in or leaving SL, for example, is about apathy.  When things are going well in RL, the urge to log on is never as great as when things are going badly. In SL, I can do, be, see ALL the things inaccessible to me in my busy, demanding and sometimes apathetic RL. There is a level of excitement, and anticipation that comes with being immersed here. The relationships are rich with twists and turns that send my adrenaline racing. The experiences allow me to create (and recreate) situations that help validate the possibility of those things I thought fantastic. Acu's formula: If SL =3D Imagination, RL=4D Manifestation.

Step ONE, however, to making this happen... is you…
Understanding your significance, your strength, and power...
    and sometimes you have to carry a load and then lay  it down understand your strength  (and weaknesses). Its our strengths and the pursuit of their development that make life worth living and the weaknesses that keep us connected to one another...for where I am weak and you are strong, in love, we can grow together.  No (wo)man is an island and like pieces of a puzzle we are destined to shift and move toward creating the whole.

Second Life isn't a panacea for happiness... but can be a template for living...find what excites you…makes you feel truly ALIVE (aside from what society has told you). If lived in love and connection... BLISS is yours!

Bless XOXO

 "If I Need To Move On (Sometimes)" by Ladybug Mecca
 At times we gotta stop
 and smell the cool breeze (yeah)
Gotta slow it down
 and spend time with the seeds
Sometimes we just need to sit still
 and master our breath like a monk in Tibet (well)
Sometimes I feel the need to cry
 to release the fear through my tears (and keep it moving cuz')
I like to travel and I know how to move on
  If I need to move on

You cannot hold onto the river when it flows
   (where it goes, well I just don't know)
There are times in your life
   when you have to learn to let go
   (current of life is so free)
Embrace the experience so you can continue to grow
   (follow the wind to the end of your dreams)
So if your boat rocks, before it docks
you betta still stay in the flow.

Sometimes we gotta listen to that intuition
Break free from the systematic
  ways and habits
Flow like your etheric
and get that leech off your spirit
Like Tina did Ike on Friday night

Sometimes you just need to throw a party
 and celebrate the fact that we're healthy and still here
Time to let your guard down
  find trust in YOURSELF
So you can maintain
 the weight of the world and your wealth

Drifting away....
   (don't you start)
Drifting away....
   (don't, [don't] start [start])
Drifting, drifting, drifting away

At times you gotta just drink water all day
  go and play in sunrays for pay (hey)
Break the rules and define your destiny
  like the India Arie(s) of today (get what I'm saying [Peace Queen])
Time is of the essence
  well not really 'cuz its of the physical
  and could never be a spiritual
So take the time out, and get into the tune
  while me and Eric Ricco make music from the womb


Saturday, September 13, 2008

SL/RL Synthesis Note (19): "Now, Now ALWAYS Now!"

Originally Posted: September 13, 2008

Song of the Moment: "Life" by Havana (lyrics below)

This past week, my SL relationships threw yet another crushing blow to my sense of self. It's funny how life always seems to throw you for a loop just when you think you've got steady footing and have figured this whole thing out. As usual, I had an expectation, it was not met and I felt disappointed, unappreciated, blah blah blah... fill in the blanks... y'all know what I'm talking about.

The irony is that the disappointment I felt around this particular relationship/incident brought more clarity than any single experience I've had since coming to SL...hell in any relationship in RL as well (or maybe it was an insight that finally came to a head).  I think more often than not, I've told myself that my relationships are different in SL than they are in RL (and in some ways I suppose that is true), but the reality is that *I *am the same WHERE EVER I am. Same expectations, disappointments and so on. It has almost never been the PEOPLE who hurt me as much as I have hurt myself. I, after all, control my actions and reactions to these experiences. I finally took a long, hard look at how I've been choosing my life...

I spend an AWFUL lot of time focused on the past and how *this* situation will be just like it (and responding accordingly) .... or focused on the future and being about the business of making things happen the way *I* think they should play out for me to be happy in the situation/relationship (and that always includes an expectation of how people will react). In essence, I've been living my life inside one of three choices: 1) something happened in the past, and if that hadn't happened, I'd be happy now; 2) something will be happening in the future, and if I wait patiently, when it happens, I'll be happy; or 3) something is happening that SHOULDN'T be happening, and if it stops, I can be happy.

So...I'll never be happy .... that is. if I keep thinking this way. Life is NOW...there has never been a time, nor will there ever be, when life is NOT now. It gives new meaning to the saying "the past is a memory, the future a fantasy, but today is a gift, that's why its called the PRESENT."

My life is NOW, your LIFE is NOW....right now as you are READING this you are LIVING/breathing. Stop a moment, look up and see what's around you, listen…what do you hear in the room, what does it smell like? Each passing moment is all we ever have. The check, phone call, gift, past pain doesn't exist in this moment, only in your mind. So when a problem comes up, a situation that doesn't bring you joy the moment you realize this, you have a can do something about it that will make you feel good in it, or do nothing at all. You can make it a problem...or NOT! (smile) He/she is late...and hasn't logged on as planned...right at this moment...what can you do? Think something positive (is the reason), ...or something negative. If there is something else you can do about it, DO IT...otherwise, enjoy THIS moment until you CAN do something.  You're with him/her in chat at the club, he gets quiet all of a sudden...what are you thinking? What can you do about it NOW, not later...not what you should have done yesterday...right now...what will you do? You have some RL deadline to meet, but don't want to log off to tend to it, what do you do NOW? Worry about it?  "Should" on yourself until you feel guilty? or accept you're not ready to tend to it and decide to do something later (or hell, get up and do it!) its ALWAYS up to you... but choose NOW, love NOW, laugh NOW... LIVE...
                                     ++*----* •¸♥ ..NOW!!!.. ♥¸•*----*++

Peace and blessings

"Life" by Havana

Life is passing by

Life is passing by

You can change your life
With each passing moments
So many decisions
No room to rewind
Don't let your life
Pass before your eyes
In just a moment's time
Move on
Some how
Some way
Let others show you the way
They've earned respect
Playing this game of LIFE
Play your cards right
You'll see just how good it can be

Life is passing by
   Don't blink, or close your eyes
   Don't sleep on today,
   'cuz tomorrow’s not guaranteed
(Repeat 3X)

How many days and nights
Have you spent alone and idle
about the past, how it didn't last
Thoughts of those lost loves gone
It seems as if your motivation
Is stuck in yesterday’s confusion
Don't give up
Move on
Do it NOW
So many thoughts
My heart just can't comprehend
Which way do I turn
Which way do I stand
I know
  the world is in my hands
But once again...


Friday, August 29, 2008

SL/RL Synthesis Note (18): "Fulfilling the be FREE"

Song of the Moment: "Free To Be Me" by Havana (lyrics below)

Having been raised a southern (US) Christian, in 1994 I began to question the accuracy of all I had been taught about who I am and God's purpose for my life. These questions had been taboo before then. I was told, I should never ask… "it is a matter of faith and trusting in the promise." No one was ever clear about what that promise was, other than to say that I would be eternally happy when this promise was fulfilled. 

...and so I  waited, steadfast to occupy my time with achieving all the things I was told to achieve. "Its all part of the great and divine plan!" So when I felt unsure, or unsuccessful, or plain unhappy in relationships, career, LIFE... I felt guilty that these feelings of discontent must come from being unfaithful.  I needed to stop asking, to give harder, trust harder, and believe harder that one day the promise would happen and end all my misery.  It has been a long hard struggle and in recent years this yearning for something greater has grown within me…stirring my soul and keeping me uncomfortably restless.

Unhappy, unfulfilled .... I hear these words so often relative to relationships. We look to "others" to provide the satisfaction we want in our lives desperately. It is inherent within us to want to connect, and as such feel hope that those "others" will provide us with the missing pieces to our lives, completing us and making us whole. 

Fourteen years have passed since I first began to question. I have had many stops on the journey to self-discovery, which I didn't understand at the time, but for which I am eternally grateful. Second Life has been a huge stop in the road! 

One thing I've learned...(as the pervading MESSAGE has been) that relationships are of divine importance. When I was weak, I used my connection to others to get stronger. When I was strong, I have been the source of strength for those who felt weak. There were times, when I'm sure we were a drain on one another.  The struggle has been in learning to manage my relationships in a way that allows us to grow facilitate an even, constant flow of energy. To let go of control, in the giving and receiving, as I did many times trying to escape the pain of learning to BE. To escape the pain in learning to seek love from within... in seeking the serenity of accepting the things I can not change, the courage to change only those things that I can and finding the wisdom to know the difference.

People have been placed in my path at every crossroad to give me the experience needed to answer the pervading *question* at the time. Some have been helpful, and some have been hurtful. All have taught me something. Second Life and the relationships I've developed here, have allowed me to escape reality long enough to BEcome real... to allow to manifest within me, that which I had only held as a promised fantasy.

Learning to live and love fearlessly… fulfilling a promise to BE!

With love and blessings,

"Free To Be Me" by Havana

(Poetic Lyric Intro)
In these times we make sounds for the future
We bring movement when all is still
Hold moments in
    and held the moment
Give in to the experience
Be broken down by the challenge
Use the heart as stone
Break free
Turn inward
Embrace the invisible
Defy the gravity
Make strong the anatomy
The world is your place through time
Be the living when all else seems to be dying
For this is life
Living in fearless emotion
A transcendence above the ocean
A path we all travel
An emotional road in defiance of gravel
In time and sound 
Life... in fearless emotion
Mind, body and spirit bound
Living in fearless emotion
Living in fearless emotion...

I'm living my life on my own terms
Oceans of tears I've cried
Lessons I've learned
The beauty of it all
Just looking at the past
I see it before me, at a glance

I'm living my life, free to be me
Free to BE me
I'm living my life, free to be me
Free to BE me

So many times we stumble and fall
Coping to adjust 
     to it all
The future its so bright
     a new day at last
Let's comprehend the meaning of free


This is my life
    This is my life
        My life
           My life


Sunday, August 17, 2008

Sl/RL Synthesis Note (17) "Growing...PEACE by piece"

Song of the Moment: "Grown Apart" by Lisa Shaw

For almost a year and a half I have lived a significant part of my life in SL. In that time I've seen and experienced a lot. I've seen many places and people come full circle. It's a continuous cycle for "residents" here...those of us who become immersed in this virtual paradise or prison (dependant upon where you are in the cycle). I have created lasting relationships with many, a few of whom have left SL and I've never heard from again.  Their impression on my life, however, is everlasting.

We live here, we love here and if the circle is closed, we have learned.

Second Life can be such a euphoric experience. The limitlessness of this place allows so much exploration.  The inevitability of change, however, impacts us no matter where we are. As our second (and real) lives change, at each new stage we begin to ask ourselves "who is it I am, now that (fill in the blank) has happened." When we are forced to transition because of a change, we often view it as negative but more realistically, it offers an opportunity for growth. In the struggle to become more than we once were, we cling to the old and familiar out of fear of the unknown. This journey of self discovery however, must is the purpose of life.

When we are in relationship with another (romantic, platonic, parental) you are brought closer to self realization. That feeling! know the one... it overwhelms feels so good!, so right. It is a connection of something greater than the two of you, experienced through you ... it must be because you *both* feel it. Then fear enters through the back door... fear that we'll lose this feeling and so we try to control it (either by controlling the person, or our interaction with them). The sad thing is, that in that control we lose the experience…that bliss is replaced by other feelings on the spectrum between love and fear (envy, jealousy, anger, etc.)

The reality is, love is abound. It is limitless and there is plenty to go 'round. The pain we feel is part of our growth. Learning the lessons that teach us who we TRULY are. The guiding words that we must sometimes hear from someone else (or in my case through music) because we are so focused in our heads trying to label, define and control it that we can't feel the voice speaking in our heart.

You *are* a divine presence in this world~virtual and real... you are worthy... you are peace.... you are love. You need only be STILL one moment to feel this truth within you.

Thank you for being a part of my SL life and cycle, and allowing me the honor of being part of yours.

We are love! XOXO

Peace and blessings...

"Grown Apart" by Lisa Shaw

NOW what cha doing to me
Findin' a way to live
Givin' it everything
NOW what cha doing to me
There's something inside of me
It's hopeful, but bittersweet.

I think in time you will see
The memories never fade
Tell me why feel the pain?
I really hope you agree
I did what I said I would
Doing the things I should

I'm seeing clearer
We can be who we are

Now what cha doing to me
There's nothing to forgive
Giving it everything

Now what cha doing to me
We'll see what we want to see
Color the memory
I think it's time we let be
Things that we couldn't change
Won't make that mistake again!

God in my heart I believe
We do what we know we should
Heading to something good.

I'm seeing clearer
We can be who we are
The future seems nearer
We can be who we are

Inside of us,
Feels right but we trust nobody
You know it's time for us
To go our separate ways

Inside of us, feels right but trust noBODY
You know it's time to go our separate ways

Never knew it would be this hard
Didn't ever think that we would grow apart.
Never knew it would be so hard
Didn't ever think that we would grow apart.

Friday, August 15, 2008

SL/RL Synthesis Note (16) "Believing is SEEING"

Song of the Moment: "Give In" by 4hero (lyrics below)

We recently had a discussion where the focus was "secrets". I chose this topic because I find a lot of the confusion people experience around their SL relationships is either because they have been hurt by learning a secret kept by their partner/spouse; or because they feel shameful of something they have done/participated in.

For more than a year my second life was a secret I guarded faithfully. My RL husband, patient as he is, was as confused as I, as he watched me endure one of the most cathartic experiences of my life.  Even prior to SL, he was always steadfast and reassuring in my quest to "rule the world" encouraging me toward each goal ...always more confident than I that I would claim whatever "prize" I was seeking at the time. Despite my unwillingness to see the potential, his consistency in seeing more in me has been unwavering.

When I found SL, during an especially difficult time in my life,  he allowed me the time and space I requested to delve deeper into this journey to self discovery (although I didn't realize that's what it would become at the time).  Second life became a place to explore my inner most desires in a way RL could not allow. It was a gradual process...this immersion into the darkness....exploring all those things I felt undeserving of... and some things I believed dirty and un-God like in my ignorance. The guilt was like torture on some days, but somewhere within me I felt validated.

We often believe that we are unworthy of our desires, but if you agree with this, and it is how you’ve always been, then its like saying you are a mistake.  We see in ourselves who we BELIEVE we are. Seeing is not believing...believing is SEEING. We also see in others, who *we* believe THEM to be. I feel fortunate that my husband has always seen who I truly *I* walked blindly looking for that INsight.

Relationships move this self-examination process along for us. Our connection or disconnect with others tell us a lot about how we see ourselves. The things we tend to focus on...or ignore, many times are clues to the messages we tell ourselves about who we are.

What have I learned living the secret? That life (first and second) is FREE GAME, and that to discover your magnificence, there must be a part of you that is less than magnificent to chose from. You are who you are for a REASON...and if you are operating in a manner that is loving, compassionate, respectful in your choices and action you will find the inner peace you seek...

Blessings (XOXO),

[dedicated to my husband ... the love of my first ..and NOW second lives :)) ]

"Give In" by 4hero (feat. Darien Brockington & Phonte of Little Brother)

you used to wake me with a smile on your face
each morning lying next to you.
now we don't talk cause you have nothing to say
so sad wish i could help see you through.

wishing time would stand still
so you don't feel left behind (left behind)
you never thought you'd find
yourself broken, torn apart

i know they'll be times of rain
those are the days that i want to
give in
ill be your friend through the cloudy days
don't be ashamed i wont let you
give in.

sometimes i wish you could say
all the things you want me to be
but every day that that you cry
is a day that goes by
and your slipping away from me, yeah.


(Rap Verse)
Hey love I've been meaning to call you.
it seem the stress of life put cracks in your armor,
but you do it because it has to be done
although it seems like the faster you run your destination gets farther.
I wish that i could take away your problems with a drop,
of a dime and say its all good but its not.
your dreams get undermined
accounts get overdrawn
no matter the case girl
i'm waiting with open arms.

(Chorus) X2

Monday, July 21, 2008

SL/RL Synthesis Note (15): "Repression, Depression and Second Life"

Song of the Moment: "You Can't Stop the Rain" by Loose Ends (lyrics below)

Recently I experienced what Chan calls Dejavu-Barzane Syndrome [grin]. One of those days when I felt a rush of emotion and began to question my purpose for being: RL and SL. It’s not the first time since becoming immersed in second life that I've had this experience and it is usually followed by a moment of clarity in thought. I discover something about myself that I had been living, but never fully acknowledged.

When I was growing up, my family had very little. My mother was not always able to give my siblings and I what we needed on many levels, so my grandparents served as mentors and guides. My grandfather, who had lived through many trying times, was adamant that failure was not an option. "Too many people (in the hood) get stuck there, but that won't be the case for you..." was essentially the message he instilled.

I feel fortunate that I succeeded in the way he said I should. Got the degrees, career, marriage, kids, house, cars...the American dream. When I found SL more than a year ago, I had come to a place in my life, that I realized this "dream" I had achieved was not mine. I realized that to achieve this dream, I had never succeeded at finding who I "really" wanted to be. I “had it all” and wasn’t happy. As I moved though life focused on achieving, there was no time to get hung up on sadness, fear, grief. They were distractions I couldn't deal with at the time.

We all repress thoughts, feelings, emotions. Our motivations for doing so (and the degree to which we do so) vary, but we all do it. Repression doesn't make it "go away" however. We store it up to be released at a later time, whether self initiated or spontaneous explosion.

Grief, anger, envy, fear, love... all natural feelings that fall within the polarities of love and fear (the two only true emotions, IMO).  These feelings repressed, tend to manifest themselves anyway…sometimes in ways we did not intend or expect. RL does not always allow us the means to express these emotions fully...but for those of us immersed in SL, on some level we appreciate that here, there are no boundaries. We are free to explore our true selves in a way that allows us to bring all these emotions into expression.

Accepting the significance of Second Life in all that is my life, is an ongoing process. I discover more and more about who I am living part of my life here. The doubts about being here at all?....perhaps my efforts to manifest a struggle which allows me to face emotions I've avoided for a long time.

Never-the-less, the love I feel, which enfolds the fear and pain, is undeniable and it is that which keeps me coming back for more.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination...Enjoying the "trip"

Peace and blessings...

"You Can't Stop the Rain" by Loose Ends

Seems to me
We're living a fantasy
Walking blind
We forget sometimes
To search beyond
There's no boundary

There will come a day when lightening will flash
...and maybe then we'll see
Everything we've known all gone in a flash
Is this our destiny?

You can't stop the rain
When it starts to fall
Noone else to blame
You didn't lock that door

There comes a day
When everyone will find
Who they are
So find your heart
Don't ever stop
Its our destiny!


Saturday, July 12, 2008

SL/RL Synthesis Note (14): "IN LOVE... with my AVATAR!"

Song of the Moment: "Bittersweet" by Siji

What is true love and how do you know you've found it? The fairy tales tell us the prince comes, prepared to rescue a damsel from all her woes and the takes the princess away on a white horse into the sunset. Most of us have outgrown that ideal for love, although the prospect of finding or being a knight in shining armor sounds romantic.

I remember when I first began customizing my avatar, I took special care in choosing her skin, eyes and shape. A true work of art, I thought, when she was finally complete. As she moved through SL, exploring and taking part in things not possible in RL (for many reasons), I found myself wishing I could be "Acu" in and limitless in what she could do. I remember the first time she wore black latex. How exhilarating!  Outside of SL, however, how guilty were my thoughts to have felt such a thing. After all, that would NEVER be acceptable in my RL social circles. So the battle within began as I confronted all the self-inflicted nonsense [SIN! (wink)] and engaged in an ultimate releasing of self judgment to make way for acceptance! True LOVE...of Acu...of ME! How much easier, was it then, to begin to reject the judgments of others and feel the love ever present surrounding me?

Isn't love more than just the romance in our lives? Sometimes we are so lost in the pain of our romantic relationships and doubts about ourselves that we miss all the other expressions of love around us: friends and family who are there when needed, random acts of kindness we experience as we go through our day (a smile, a returned item we dropped while dazed, a warm "have a nice day" from a stranger) Many of us are willing to give love freely, yet are so resistant or distrustful of the love offered by others. Its difficult to trust and receive from another when we are unwilling to give/receive it from ourselves.

Love is... unconditional, nonjudgmental, acceptance. Romantic relationships help us feel this more intensely and passionately, but this often fades as we feel judgment from our partner or begin to place judgment on ourselves for being or not being something "other" than what we believe we should be.

Does true love exist? Why not ask yourSELF?

With love, peace and blessings...

"Bittersweet" by Siji
This bittersweet feeling
I have inside
I can't deny it

You're gonna go away
and I'm wishfully thinking
You're here to stay
Deep on my thoughts
Girl you stay
Even though I deny it
For you alone I crave

The very arms that hold you close
Said I
Ought to trust and obey

This bittersweet feeling
I have inside
I can't deny
This Bittersweet feeling
I can't describe it
So pleasing
Do or Die

Although you are miles away
This joyous feeling
Still remains
The better I stay away
I'll be forever tempted, yeah

Come whatever what may
Yet too great a price to pay


Saturday, June 28, 2008

SL/RL Synthesis Note (13): "Innocent until MOVIN' BLISSFULLY"

Song of the Moment: "Miss Q'N" by Zap Mama (lyrics below)

I was talking with one of my four-year-old twins who refused to take off her princess costume for clothes I thought more appropriate for heading out. She told me, "When I grow up, I'm going to be a princess and I'll wear a long Cinderella gown all the time."  I encouraged her pointing out (in a way she understood) that there is nothng in this world you "CAN'T" do although there are some things she "can't yet" do due to physical, social and knowledge limitations. She finally agreed to wear the costume over her clothes. :))

It is curious to me how the innocence of childhood can be so profound. When we were young we believed that anything was possible. As we got older, and became laden with the responsibilities of being an adult and society's push to conform to a "norm" we slowly began to lose that feeling of limitlessness. We lose sight of who it is we feel strongly we want to become. So then begins the process of trying to recapture the bliss of our youth. Our parents/caregivers are the first to set the foundation for our ability to realize these paths. Some of us are placed properly on our journey, but most of us begin far off course. We become engaged in many relationships: peers, teachers, authority figures who "help" us to know that we shouldn't be doing this or that. It is better to "BE" something else...and so we conform.

I have this theory that when each of us is born we have encoded in us, who it is we are to become. A doctor, a priest, a thief, a princess :)) and we are given all the emotional tools to be motivated by these paths and to follow them.  Why do I believe this happens? It is the relationships we have with one another -directly and indirectly- that facilitates our interdependence. We assist each other in realizing our true selves through our experiences with one another. The thief will steal from me and as a result I gain a feeling of appreciation for what I have. When she is caught, she (ideally perhaps) experiences remorse for her actions and its impact on another. These experiences create *life* and facilitate living, versus some grey existance where everything is constant and never changes. There must be contrasts in our experiences to make meaning of our lives and who we are. (The movies "Crash" and "Butterfly Effect" offer great examples of this)

We all want to be happy... to be loved. I think we sometimes fail to recognize that underlying all our thinking, motives, behavior is that one true drive. We tell ourselves all sorts of "things" will give us that. Money, a big house, a relationship...the reality is that those are a means to an end. within. There is no tangible thing that can give it to us. Relationships (and the things we acquire) help us generate a feeling, but it is often fleeting. To access the sustaining feelings of happiness/love within, however, we must become clear about who it is we truly are.

It is interal drives, strong urges that guide us and it is up to us whether we yield to them and enjoy our journey or resist them to conform to something other than that which drives us.  Life is a journey, not a destination...follow your bliss!

In love and light...blessings!

"Miss Q'N" by Zap Mama

When I was a little child
I dreamed to be a princess
When I tried to be this princess
I dreamed to meet a prince

When I was this princess
I dreamed to be like a queen
When I was this princess
I dreamed to meet a prince

Traveling from the north to the south
Southern stories
South to the east, east to the west
We're all looking for the best
Traveling from the south to the north
Northern Stories
North to the east, east to the west
We're all looking for the best

When I met this prince, I dreamed to be a queen
When I tried to be this queen, I dreamed to meet a king
When I was with this prince, I dreamed to be a queen
When I was this queen, I didn't know what to do with this prince


When I was this queen
Like society tell us to be.
I realize that i was empty.
I was empty inside
When I was this queen
Fooled by corruptive behavior
I realized that I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be me

Free Host | lasik surgery new york