Friday, August 29, 2008

SL/RL Synthesis Note (18): "Fulfilling the be FREE"

Song of the Moment: "Free To Be Me" by Havana (lyrics below)

Having been raised a southern (US) Christian, in 1994 I began to question the accuracy of all I had been taught about who I am and God's purpose for my life. These questions had been taboo before then. I was told, I should never ask… "it is a matter of faith and trusting in the promise." No one was ever clear about what that promise was, other than to say that I would be eternally happy when this promise was fulfilled. 

...and so I  waited, steadfast to occupy my time with achieving all the things I was told to achieve. "Its all part of the great and divine plan!" So when I felt unsure, or unsuccessful, or plain unhappy in relationships, career, LIFE... I felt guilty that these feelings of discontent must come from being unfaithful.  I needed to stop asking, to give harder, trust harder, and believe harder that one day the promise would happen and end all my misery.  It has been a long hard struggle and in recent years this yearning for something greater has grown within me…stirring my soul and keeping me uncomfortably restless.

Unhappy, unfulfilled .... I hear these words so often relative to relationships. We look to "others" to provide the satisfaction we want in our lives desperately. It is inherent within us to want to connect, and as such feel hope that those "others" will provide us with the missing pieces to our lives, completing us and making us whole. 

Fourteen years have passed since I first began to question. I have had many stops on the journey to self-discovery, which I didn't understand at the time, but for which I am eternally grateful. Second Life has been a huge stop in the road! 

One thing I've learned...(as the pervading MESSAGE has been) that relationships are of divine importance. When I was weak, I used my connection to others to get stronger. When I was strong, I have been the source of strength for those who felt weak. There were times, when I'm sure we were a drain on one another.  The struggle has been in learning to manage my relationships in a way that allows us to grow facilitate an even, constant flow of energy. To let go of control, in the giving and receiving, as I did many times trying to escape the pain of learning to BE. To escape the pain in learning to seek love from within... in seeking the serenity of accepting the things I can not change, the courage to change only those things that I can and finding the wisdom to know the difference.

People have been placed in my path at every crossroad to give me the experience needed to answer the pervading *question* at the time. Some have been helpful, and some have been hurtful. All have taught me something. Second Life and the relationships I've developed here, have allowed me to escape reality long enough to BEcome real... to allow to manifest within me, that which I had only held as a promised fantasy.

Learning to live and love fearlessly… fulfilling a promise to BE!

With love and blessings,

"Free To Be Me" by Havana

(Poetic Lyric Intro)
In these times we make sounds for the future
We bring movement when all is still
Hold moments in
    and held the moment
Give in to the experience
Be broken down by the challenge
Use the heart as stone
Break free
Turn inward
Embrace the invisible
Defy the gravity
Make strong the anatomy
The world is your place through time
Be the living when all else seems to be dying
For this is life
Living in fearless emotion
A transcendence above the ocean
A path we all travel
An emotional road in defiance of gravel
In time and sound 
Life... in fearless emotion
Mind, body and spirit bound
Living in fearless emotion
Living in fearless emotion...

I'm living my life on my own terms
Oceans of tears I've cried
Lessons I've learned
The beauty of it all
Just looking at the past
I see it before me, at a glance

I'm living my life, free to be me
Free to BE me
I'm living my life, free to be me
Free to BE me

So many times we stumble and fall
Coping to adjust 
     to it all
The future its so bright
     a new day at last
Let's comprehend the meaning of free


This is my life
    This is my life
        My life
           My life



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