Showing posts with label Development. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Development. Show all posts

Friday, December 5, 2014

SOUL ON FIRE

For the past few weeks I have been immersed in the process of building a new understanding of my Self in this world. There have been so many changes and negative events pervading our media and psyche that I felt it necessary to delve deeper into my own Mind to find a peaceful space to rest.

Synchronistically, I was invited to join a Black Consciousness group and was reintroduced to the spiritual material that had served, in part, to facilitate my own awakening. I was not prepared for the emergence of old wounds as I re-engaged this learning and sharing with the community.

I think what I am realizing, through new eyes, is that we are all in different places in our spiritual development and path. When I willingly began this journey, I felt so unsure about my beliefs and understanding. Some of the teachings were confusing and contradicted one another but were all espoused as “truth”. I would shame myself for misunderstanding, but never gave up on finding the TRUTH some of which came from religious and spiritual texts I would have NEVER allowed myself to examine prior to “opening the way” for new information. I wanted better answers than I had received through my secondary and college educations, church and mentors.


15 years and LOTS of reading, researching and reintegrating history was useful in allowing me to finally create a space in my mind and heart for the acceptance of things that I was taught we not for me (or rejection of ideas/teachings that I realized were not). Each answer encouraged another question, and answer, and question and so on. Mis-Education disempowers because we tend to believe only what has been proven (someone has done it before) and in the absence of “truth” we do not allow ourselves to believe  we have power to change or create new understand, situations and LIVES. I am never beyond learning, but am beyond arguing facts because I have learned enough to understand where I came from and what I am capable of HERE and NOW in this world which is much more significant to taking ACTION.

As a woman of both African and Native American descent raised in the SouthEast, I was taught that I had little power. The things that felt right for me, intuitively, were described as sinful or blasphemous. The result of choosing to question (without faith) or pursue another path would result in eternal damnation .. Hell Fire, Brimstone. “God forbid” I burn for eternity. I could not fathom the idea and remained in fear.

It has not been an easy journey. It has required a LOT of healing, a LOT of introspection and a LOT of building around the questions I held deep inside. Things just didn’t make sense and I needed to know why.

In the process I learned that

I Am spiritual,
I Am intuitive,
I Am powerful,
I Am magical,
I Am sensual,
I Am the Divine manifested in human form
I Am connected to the Universe in cosmic ways
I Am a GODDESS!

...and the wisdom I have gained in the process can never be taken from me. I work diligently to protect myself from negative energy/ideas/images that reinforce complacency and ignorance. I focus my energy/attention on the things I want to co-create/manifest in this world for myself, my family, my people.

Knowledge of history, “the TRUTH”, of who we have been is the beginning… but WISDOM comes from knowing Who We Are

I have become a Soul On Fire, the embodiment of LOVE and I am ready to be a light unto the world.

Ase.Selah ღ
Acu

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Unconditional Love and Respect



Friday, August 20, 2010

Synthesis Note (35): "All The Beauty"

Song of the Moment: "All the Beauty" by Donn

Once upon a time there a there was a beautiful avatar named (your name here).  She  (or your correct gender) was perfect in the eyes of her maker and was created at the perfect time, in the perfect place with all the tools she would need to fulfill her (second) life purpose. She would bring experience to her maker (in first life) which could not be had without her existence and she would function "as" her creator (in avatar form) in this new world to fulfill this purpose and ultimately allow them both to grow.

As she explored this strange world, she was curious and inquisitive, enjoying the beauty and mystery of this place, which seemed made just for her. She then began to encounter other avatars of all colors, shapes and sizes. She was intrigued by all of the experiences she had and in time began to question her self image. She began to change her appearance, ways of living and being to fit in, to feel accepted and to try to meet their (perceived) expectations of her. She is socially successful with many friends, but begins to feel less whole as she juggles the new images she creates for them.

Eventually, she fell in love with another avatar who found her quite beautiful even though she no longer thought this of herself. This pleased and then later frightened her because she had never experienced feelings like this before and had forgotten how perfect she was in the eyes of her maker at the time of her creation. You see, he was perfect (as was she) and she could see this clearly. She felt unworthy of all that he had to offer her and so, she began to shape herself into what she believed would match his perfection. These changes confused her partner and in time she was no longer the avatar he fell in love with and they grew apart.

…so "as above so below" ...and the story goes in second life as in the first life... innocence lost... she’d forgotten her perfection moving from avatar to avatar, relationship to relationship searching for that which she felt would make her whole again….

Will our protagonist fulfill the purpose designed by her maker? Will they synthesize these experiences and grow as one?

......stay tuned....

NOTE To The Reader (grin): What governs each of us is our own self image…that is, how we SEE ourselves. Even in our most perfect form, we find that that which we seek eludes us if we cannot love and accept ourselves in the same way we seek that acceptance from others. We don’t consider that those things we see as flaws, may be just the perfection another is seeking. “I am” is the most power phrase ever spoken. Whatever follows it, …you become. If you want new experiences you have to see yourself differently. Change your inner image and perceptions…transform your LIFE.

Finding peace in pieces…
Acu

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Born Again (Synthesis Note [26])

Song of the Moment: "Born Again" V feat. Jill Scott (lyrics below)




As I've moved toward self evolution and away from compulsions which don't serve either of my lives (1st or 2nd), I've begun to expand my online presence outside the walls of SL. Yesterday, I was playing around with my new twitter subscription and one of my followers posted a URL for an article about SL (http://tinyurl.com/b82few). The article itself was not all that intriguing, as I find most people outside of the grid really don’t understand what is happening here for us residents. It was a comment posted by a user however, that threatened to take me back in my progress of integrating online with RL. He/she posted quite judgmentally: "I guess when you don't have a real-life you have to make one up online and pay for it on top of it... Alot of sad individuals out there.  I count my blessings everyday that I have a good job, good friends and good family and not have to resort to a fantasy world to fulfill my happiness." 



It is comments like these that chase me into thoughts of guilt and shame about my relationship with SL, which I've battled for most of my time here. Thoughts of being "less than" because of fear about what "outsiders" would think of my second life. In my self-condemnation after reading this post, I failed to acknowledge that the person writing 1) posted to an online forum; 2) anonymously; 3) in an effort to be acknowledged in his/her online presence. 


How hypocritical I finally realized!


I've focused so much effort and attention on making the fragments that are my first and second life a singularity. The irony is, every aspect of my RL is compartmentalized and before SL, I always thought this was healthy.  As I was chatting with my SL friend Reflection Freenote, he put it this way: "yes, it is dissociative in the moment, but the overall fabric is maintained through a sense of acceptance of fragmentation, and the awareness that all the pieces have of all the others:))"


Yeah! What he said! (grin) In recent weeks, I've let go of a lot... with SL on the top of my list of things NOT to do despite its place in the corner of my heart as a "thing to hold on to." I think I've been focused on letting go of the wrong thing. It is the judgments, criticisms and self-doubt that no longer serve me... in any life. I don’t expect my Caucasian friends to fully understand my experience as an African-American, (even when they try too) but I still love them, and don’t judge them for it. Why should I expect any different in my relationships with offline friends relative to my SL?


SL is just another source of love, support, self-fulfillment and connectedness. Acu was created in my RL likeness (personality wise [grin]), and although she is able to explore parts of me that may be unavailable RL, I always reserve the right to create that same aspect of me in my RL. It is all love…, a closed cycle, complete, perfect with both ups and downs. I envision the symbol for infinity turned up…cycling up and down to return up again, never ending..... 
the valleys …
and mountain tops…
and dives to the valley again... 
Blessing each experience 
As birth, life, death, resurrection... Born Again.


With love peace and blessings INFINATELY…
Acu  XOXO


"Born Again" by V. feat. Jill Scott


I'm Born Again
Your Living Water never ends
I'm Born Again
Your Living Water never ends


I used to be so sad
but now a days I bathe inside your love
I can't get away
My eyes now tell a story
how lonely days no longer rule my life
now that you're with me
Never forget that day
I first decided, said "how 'bout it?" to myself
and took a leap of faith
No disappointments today
'cuz everything I've ever wanted
is inside your rain.


CHORUS
I'm Born Again (Baptized by your spirit)
Your Living Water (It's because of you)
I'm Born Again (but now I can feel it)
Your Living Water never ends


You made me change my ways
and I'm so glad I found someone
who can quench my thirst.
Had problems before you came in my life
now the problems in my life 
are washed away
A new beginning you have given me
all sins are forgiven, evening if I'm not worthy
Tranquility feels so good to me
Drenched by your majesty, I'm soak and wet


CHORUS


(J. Scott interlude to fade)


Captured...I'm captured


Write it down(so lost)...to rest 
Page for page (this existence) 
(I am so lost inside this ... miracle)
and by no measure (capture this) can I comprehend delicious-THIS
(Create me all over again just to experience this)


This experience ...captured and I come (so satisfying)
I am so emoted...let me KNOW


Book after book could not possibly fit
(Can't even begin) capture this love
I would start all over again...

 
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