SL/RL Synthesis Note (21): "The Day *I* Died"

Song of the Moment: "Love's Victory" by Ronnie Laws (lyrics below)

As most of you know, I recently entered my darkest hour. There had been many seasons of darkness before it, but this by far was my deepest test of Truth. You know, at every crossroad, I have tried to examine the paths to understand the lesson and in choosing my direction, always felt *I* had finally turned the last corner...that bliss was just ahead in the distance. What I failed to realize is that on this journey, each crossroad forced a chipping away at a heavy load I have carried for a long time.

In this last stop in the road, there was little left and *I* felt defeated . All that was left, was that which I most used to define my SELF. Surely *I* had done enough…had worked hard and *I* was ready for the reward. However, there was part of me that *I* has defended, shielded and protected that *I* continued to hold onto tightly.

My relationships! ...feeding into them with the expectation that the bliss I sought would be returned....but in this last moment of darkness *I* felt lost... there were no words, no answers...NOTHING and so...

*I* LET GO....

Pain no longer paralyzed me... I let go, willing to accept whatever the consequences might be. And so there I stood, completely naked, dead to everything around me. First the fear reared its head once more and when I realized there was nothing left to lose, an overwhelming feeling of peace came over me.

There is a saying that "unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground,... it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." In this last surrender *I* was set free. My dependence on all things external for my sense of well being, self and gratitude GONE.

Beyond this moment? …my friends, love ones, SL family (damn have you all come through) have remained by my side... and all others fallen away. In that "empty" space a new love was created and born of it, more love to give... to receive.

Have I struggled since then? C'mon... YES ... but the experience of "grace" has given those struggles new meaning now. I understand that if I release it, accept it for what it is, and move only when I am able (being still and enjoying what  *can* do in each moment) that my days are less painful and problems... well no need to make "something" out of "nothing" at all.

In the flow.... care to join me (winks)

With overwhelming love,
Acu

"Love's Victory" by Ronnie Laws

Love is...
so good to me
Bring back sweet memories
You help to ease my mind
Such joy, never knew I'd find

I will celebrate love's victory

I feel an eternity
So close as you'll always be
Tears and pain can't get in my way
You gave me a brand new day

I will celebrate love's victory

(Music Interlude)

I will celebrate love's victory

Love is…
so good to me
Bring back sweet memories
You help to ease my mind
Such joy, never knew I'd find

I will celebrate love's victory