Monday, July 21, 2008

SL/RL Synthesis Note (15): "Repression, Depression and Second Life"

Song of the Moment: "You Can't Stop the Rain" by Loose Ends (lyrics below)

Recently I experienced what Chan calls Dejavu-Barzane Syndrome [grin]. One of those days when I felt a rush of emotion and began to question my purpose for being: RL and SL. It’s not the first time since becoming immersed in second life that I've had this experience and it is usually followed by a moment of clarity in thought. I discover something about myself that I had been living, but never fully acknowledged.

When I was growing up, my family had very little. My mother was not always able to give my siblings and I what we needed on many levels, so my grandparents served as mentors and guides. My grandfather, who had lived through many trying times, was adamant that failure was not an option. "Too many people (in the hood) get stuck there, but that won't be the case for you..." was essentially the message he instilled.

I feel fortunate that I succeeded in the way he said I should. Got the degrees, career, marriage, kids, house, cars...the American dream. When I found SL more than a year ago, I had come to a place in my life, that I realized this "dream" I had achieved was not mine. I realized that to achieve this dream, I had never succeeded at finding who I "really" wanted to be. I “had it all” and wasn’t happy. As I moved though life focused on achieving, there was no time to get hung up on sadness, fear, grief. They were distractions I couldn't deal with at the time.

We all repress thoughts, feelings, emotions. Our motivations for doing so (and the degree to which we do so) vary, but we all do it. Repression doesn't make it "go away" however. We store it up to be released at a later time, whether self initiated or spontaneous explosion.

Grief, anger, envy, fear, love... all natural feelings that fall within the polarities of love and fear (the two only true emotions, IMO).  These feelings repressed, tend to manifest themselves anyway…sometimes in ways we did not intend or expect. RL does not always allow us the means to express these emotions fully...but for those of us immersed in SL, on some level we appreciate that here, there are no boundaries. We are free to explore our true selves in a way that allows us to bring all these emotions into expression.

Accepting the significance of Second Life in all that is my life, is an ongoing process. I discover more and more about who I am living part of my life here. The doubts about being here at all?....perhaps my efforts to manifest a struggle which allows me to face emotions I've avoided for a long time.

Never-the-less, the love I feel, which enfolds the fear and pain, is undeniable and it is that which keeps me coming back for more.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination...Enjoying the "trip"

Peace and blessings...

"You Can't Stop the Rain" by Loose Ends

Seems to me
We're living a fantasy
Walking blind
We forget sometimes
To search beyond
There's no boundary

There will come a day when lightening will flash
...and maybe then we'll see
Everything we've known all gone in a flash
Is this our destiny?

You can't stop the rain
When it starts to fall
Noone else to blame
You didn't lock that door

There comes a day
When everyone will find
Who they are
So find your heart
Don't ever stop
Its our destiny!



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