Friday, December 5, 2014


For the past few weeks I have been immersed in the process of building a new understanding of my Self in this world. There have been so many changes and negative events pervading our media and psyche that I felt it necessary to delve deeper into my own Mind to find a peaceful space to rest.

Synchronistically, I was invited to join a Black Consciousness group and was reintroduced to the spiritual material that had served, in part, to facilitate my own awakening. I was not prepared for the emergence of old wounds as I re-engaged this learning and sharing with the community.

I think what I am realizing, through new eyes, is that we are all in different places in our spiritual development and path. When I willingly began this journey, I felt so unsure about my beliefs and understanding. Some of the teachings were confusing and contradicted one another but were all espoused as “truth”. I would shame myself for misunderstanding, but never gave up on finding the TRUTH some of which came from religious and spiritual texts I would have NEVER allowed myself to examine prior to “opening the way” for new information. I wanted better answers than I had received through my secondary and college educations, church and mentors.

15 years and LOTS of reading, researching and reintegrating history was useful in allowing me to finally create a space in my mind and heart for the acceptance of things that I was taught we not for me (or rejection of ideas/teachings that I realized were not). Each answer encouraged another question, and answer, and question and so on. Mis-Education disempowers because we tend to believe only what has been proven (someone has done it before) and in the absence of “truth” we do not allow ourselves to believe  we have power to change or create new understand, situations and LIVES. I am never beyond learning, but am beyond arguing facts because I have learned enough to understand where I came from and what I am capable of HERE and NOW in this world which is much more significant to taking ACTION.

As a woman of both African and Native American descent raised in the SouthEast, I was taught that I had little power. The things that felt right for me, intuitively, were described as sinful or blasphemous. The result of choosing to question (without faith) or pursue another path would result in eternal damnation .. Hell Fire, Brimstone. “God forbid” I burn for eternity. I could not fathom the idea and remained in fear.

It has not been an easy journey. It has required a LOT of healing, a LOT of introspection and a LOT of building around the questions I held deep inside. Things just didn’t make sense and I needed to know why.

In the process I learned that

I Am spiritual,
I Am intuitive,
I Am powerful,
I Am magical,
I Am sensual,
I Am the Divine manifested in human form
I Am connected to the Universe in cosmic ways

...and the wisdom I have gained in the process can never be taken from me. I work diligently to protect myself from negative energy/ideas/images that reinforce complacency and ignorance. I focus my energy/attention on the things I want to co-create/manifest in this world for myself, my family, my people.

Knowledge of history, “the TRUTH”, of who we have been is the beginning… but WISDOM comes from knowing Who We Are

I have become a Soul On Fire, the embodiment of LOVE and I am ready to be a light unto the world.

Ase.Selah ღ

Saturday, October 25, 2014

"Light As A Feather" by Acuminous

"Broken" by Acuminous

Wednesday, September 24, 2014


I realized something today and thought I would share it. I am always curious about the experience of Energy Vampires or Narcissists as they are also called. They can be so cunning that the cues are barely detectable if you are not attuned to who you are and how you feel from moment to moment. They are seeking to feed from your light. It gives them a temporary high and sense of "power" over their powerlessness.

I was talking with one earlier today. The conversation was easy and mutual and as always I give people grace and words of wisdom if I am moved intuitively to do so. I also allow known Energy Vampires to just talk, because they are always seeking to engage you deeply, by just listening. I respond only to direct questions and try to make commentary around what they are saying. I am always kind and thoughtful with my words, because they are so easily misconstrued when reading them on the screen.

I realized today though, that Energy Vampires who are seeking to "feed" will remain engaged with you until they are able to stir a reaction. Negative emotions have more power. Consider how you feel when you are angry or frustrated versus when you are relaxed and content. I felt as though this person was fishing for something, but couldn't pinpoint it and just kept listening and engaging as appropriate. The conversation went much longer than I expected until I felt a nerve... I made one enflamed comment and just like that they said good-bye and it was over. I had no opportunity to respond further leaving me in that hazy space of OMFG...

Sometimes, its better to just ignore... (sighs) :-/

Acu xo

Thursday, September 4, 2014

SL/RL Synthesis Note (49): "As Above, So Below

SONG OF THE MOMENT: "Lay Back" by Kwabs

Its been a while since I've written one of these, February 2012 to be exact! Ironically its of the same nature, but a different perspective. I needed to "come out" of my head and get it onto paper... albeit digital.

I’d like to tell a story about pain, choices and learning. Today I was asked to meet with an in-world support group for individuals with a specific disability. They asked that I focus on “depression” and the impact of “wearing a mask” to hide the affects. Its always synchronistic that when I need guidance the most, it comes through service which is why I continue to serve even when I find it very difficult.

Before this meeting, I received a note from a “friend” in-world asking that we end our friendship. I’ll be transparent and admit that I’d allowed myself to become emotionally attached to this person, probably because I saw in him something I felt I needed. I believe that is why we are ever attracted to anyone in this way, as there are endless people we encounter on a daily basis. It is those who with whom we see a reflection of ourselves that seem the “shiniest” amongst all the possibilities. I was willing to accept this disconnection because over time, I had found that I had (in fact) been attracted to my own reflection realizing that with all of the information I share about myself and my ideals, regurgitating it back to me isn’t difficult under the right circumstances.

For all my best efforts as a result of numerous encounters online, I was still able to be allured by words that came at a time when I needed them. I was drawn to the lips that spoke them, even in pixel form. I was finding, however, that the more I began to trust this person, the more I would hear my vulnerabilities in very harsh words and tones as a reprimand for some misunderstanding. It was very subtle initially, almost imperceptible, but grew more as deeper vulnerabilities were shared, in trust, and I became more exposed.

The challenge for me is my effort to bring harm to no one, and to offer closure when I can if I find a relationship is not healthy for me... the blessing and burden of caring enough to avoid someone feeling abandoned. The problem is how I have allowed myself to be sucked into this this circumstance yet again! I have a good RL family and have worked hard to keep them happy, healthy and filled with love. My life is not perfect, however and has been a struggle, especially in recent years.

…I lost my father in 2001 to renal failure, a result of being a 5 time diabetic amputee who would not stop drinking. He was Bipolar, a Narcissist, and womanizer, but he loved me more than anything. He worshiped me and always placed me on a pedestal which created more damage to other relationships around me growing up, than I care to share in this writing.  He was nearly homeless at the time, living in poor conditions, but had made it a home. We were told he had 6 months at my last visit with him. but he died while awaiting transport to my home from another state… a decision that was very difficult for me because of the erosion of our relationship at the time due to his poor habits and resultant health problems. I saw my father in this man. I realize that now...

I lost my Grandfather, suddenly in the Fall of 2013 and of course all of those feelings resurface as I grieved losing the Man who raised me with the values and insights that have allowed me to develop into the person I am today despite my parent’s influences. I miss him and it has been hard. I miss my Dad too. I miss losing the men who meant the most to me. I struggle with losing people I care about... don't we all?

As I spoke to the in-world group about depression we explored the idea that there is a underlying purpose for “living” part of our lives on the grid for “residents” of Second Life. Its more than an escape, but a place to examine how we understand people, function with them, and form relationships.. I have always used “service to others” as my motivation, but I can be honest enough with myself to say there is more to my reason for being here. The apathy that comes with depression is often cloaked with a loss of purpose and having to confront parts of ourselves that have atrophied due to neglect and focus on areas where we are already strong.

Second Life has allowed me to develop aspects of my personality that I could not access otherwise. Beyond the “Caregiver” and “Achiever” where I am the strongest, I have become the “Idealist” and “Peacemaker” My SL relationships have allowed me to dissect the “Helper” and “Loyalist” sides of me as well. I am still developing my ability to be a “Challenger” understanding  it is one of my weakest traits and appreciate that perhaps the relationships and circumstances I have attracted into my life are providing opportunities to be more “willful, confrontational and controlling.” They are skills that require so much diplomacy that I have difficulty gathering the strength to fight and perhaps that is where I need to focus my energy. I am realizing that the idea that “fighting” may hurt others, dismisses the hurt others may be causing me. Sometimes its easier to be alone, than to risk the miscommunication and misperceptions that real engagement inevitability causes.

I am ready to move on, however, and if it is "power" that is needed now, so be it. I pray for the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Wish me luck!

In Love,
Acu ღ

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Happy Full Pink Moon in Aries

April has been an intense month! I feel anxious anticipating the upcoming Full Pink Moon and lunar eclipse this week. I know part of this mood comes from being attuned to the energy shifts as the full moon approaches. My body has become accustomed to this and over the past year or more follows the cycle of the moon. I've come to know when it is coming without even looking at the calendar! :)

We've experienced so many energetic and spiritual shifts in the last 2 years and the Full Moon and eclipse on April 15 (3:52AM EDT) will mirror the same event which occurred in the SAME location in the sky last October. Then we also had a full moon lunar eclipse in Aries/Libra. It's rare that we get a second chance to release old karmic behavior in relationships, but there is clearly stellar guidance to look at the last 6 months and begin to ask what it is time to finally let go of. Its an important step as we work toward yet another lunar eclipse next month when we'll be settling into new values for our lives.

Last October I experienced the most devastating loss of my life when my Grandfather passed away. It began a spiral of shifts and changes in my life and a reordering of my priorities. The highs included a reconnection with my family that had been missing for too long. The lows brought an evaluation of my career and purpose and decisions about the direction I wish for my life to take moving forward.

I am nervous, but hopeful about what lies on the horizon. I know what I want, but am prepared to accept whatever is best for my life and all connected to it (even if it means letting go of things I have hoped for, for a very long time).

I invite you to join me in opening and releasing those behaviors and relationships that no longer serve our lives in ways that bring a sense of fulfillment, enjoyment and happiness. Its an opportunity to look at where we have made mistakes and change how we behave in relationships and the type of people we choose. Where were your relationships last October and how have they improved, or shown you where improvement is needed? Reflect on the love you want in the next 48 hours and release those things or people that serve as barriers to having your deepest needs and desires met. Together we make room for something better and more enriching for ourselves and those we love.

Many blessings <3

Sunday, March 30, 2014

"The Greatest Fear of All" by Osho

Greatest Fear of All

by Osho
The greatest fear in the world is of the opinions of others. And the moment you are unafraid of the crowd you are no longer a sheep, you become a lion. A great roar arises in your heart, the roar of freedom.
Buddha has actually called it the lion’s roar. When a man reaches an absolutely silent state he roars like a lion. For the first time he knows what freedom is because now there is no fear of anybody’s opinion. What people say does not matter. Whether they call you a saint or a sinner is immaterial; your whole and sole judge is God. And by ‘God’ a person is not meant at all, God simply means the whole universe.
It is not a question of having to face a person; you have to face the trees, the rivers, the mountains, the stars — the whole universe. And this is our universe, we are part of it. There is no need to be afraid of it, there is no need to hide anything from it. In fact, even if you try you cannot hide. The whole knows it already, the whole knows more about you than you know.
And the second point is even more significant; the second is, God has already judged. It is not something that is going to happen in the future, it has already happened: he has judged. So even the fear of that judgment withers away. It is not a question of some Judgment Day at the end. You need not tremble. The judgment day happened on the first day; the moment he created you he already judged you. He knows you, you are his creation. If something goes wrong with you he is responsible, not you. If you go astray he is responsible, not you. How can you be responsible? — you are not your own creation. If you paint and something goes wrong you cannot say that the painting is the cause of it — the painter is the cause.
So there is no need to be afraid of the crowd or of some imaginary god at the end of the world asking you what you have done and what you have not done. He has already judged — that is really significant — it has already happened so you are free. And the moment one knows that one is totally free to be oneself, life starts having a dynamic quality to it.
Fear creates fetters, freedom gives you wings.


I have been a misfit my whole life — in my family, in my religion, in my country — and I have enjoyed it all the way, because to be a misfit is to be an individual.
To fit with the existing established order is to lose your individuality. And that’s your whole world.
The moment you compromise and lose your individuality, you have lost everything. You have committed suicide. The people who fit in the world are people who have destroyed themselves.
Certainly it needs courage, a tremendously strong sense for freedom; otherwise, you cannot stand alone against the whole world. But to stand against the whole world is the beginning of such a great joy, rejoicing and blessing, that those who have never been misfits cannot understand it.
All the great names in the history of man were just misfits in their society. All the people who have contributed to the happiness of man and the beauty of the earth have been misfits. To be a misfit is a tremendously valuable quality.
Never compromise on any point. The very compromise is the beginning of your destruction.
I do not mean that you have to be stubborn; if you see something is right, go along with it. But the moment you realize that something is not right, then even if the whole world feels it is right, it is not right for you. And then stick to your position — that will give you stamina, strength, a certain integrity.
And to be a misfit does not mean to be an egoist. If you are an egoist, sooner or later you will compromise. When you find any group of people, any society, any country, which helps you to be more egoistic, you will immediately fit with that society. The real misfit is a humble man, that’s why nobody can absorb him. He is free because he is free of the ego.
My understanding is that only people of intelligence, individuality, are rejected. The people who are obedient, who have no individuality, no freedom of expression, never say no to anything, are always ready to say yes, even against their wills — these are the people who gain much respectability in the world. They become presidents, they become prime ministers, they are honored in every possible way, for the simple reason that they committed suicide. They are no longer living, they are simply fossilized. How can you fit living people into a certain pattern? Every individual is unique — why should he fit into another’s mold?
The whole misery of the world can be explained very simply: everybody has been cut, molded, arranged by others without their even bothering to find out what he was supposed to be by nature. They don’t give a chance to existence. From the very moment the child is born, they start spoiling him — with all good intentions, of course. No parent does it consciously, but he was conditioned in the same way. He repeats the same with his children; he knows nothing else.
The disobedient child is continuously condemned. The obedient child is, on the other hand, continuously praised. But have you heard of any obedient child having become world-famous in any dimension of creativity? Have you heard of any obedient child who has attained the Nobel prize for anything — literature, peace, science? The obedient child becomes just the common crowd.
I have lived continuously as a misfit everywhere, and I have enjoyed it, every inch of it, every drop of it. It is such a beautiful journey, to be just yourself.


Never think in terms of being free from; always think in terms of being free for. And the difference is vast, tremendously vast. Don’t think in terms of from — think for. Be free for God, be free for truth, but don’t think that you want to be free from the crowd, free from the church, free from this and that. You may be able to go far away one day, but you will never be free, never. It is going to be some sort of suppression.
Why are you so afraid of the crowd? … If the pull is there, then your fear simply shows your pull, your attraction. Wherever you go you will remain dominated by the crowd.
What I am saying is, just look at the facts of it — that there is no need to think in terms of the crowd. Just think in terms of your being. It can be dropped right now. You cannot be free if you struggle. You can drop it because there is no point in struggling.
The crowd is not the problem — you are the problem. The crowd is not pulling you — you are being pulled, not by somebody else but by your own unconscious conditioning. Always remember not to throw the responsibility somewhere on somebody else, because then you will never be free of it. Deep down it is your responsibility. Why should one be so much against the crowd? Poor crowd! Why should you be so much against it? Why do you carry such a wound?
The crowd cannot do anything unless you cooperate. So the question is of your cooperation. You can drop the cooperation just now, just like that. If you put any effort into it, then you will be in trouble. So do it instantly. It is just on the spur of the moment, of spontaneous understanding, if you can see the point that if you fight, you will be fighting a losing battle. In the very fighting you are emphasizing the crowd.
That’s what has happened to millions of people. Somebody wants to escape from women — in India they have done that for centuries. Then they become more and more engrossed in it. They want to get rid of sex, and their whole mind then becomes sexual; they think only of sex and nothing else. They fast, and they will not go to sleep; they will do this and that pranayama and yoga and a thousand and one things — all nonsense. The more they fight with sex the more they are enforcing it, the more they are concentrating on it. It becomes so significant, out of all proportion.
That is what has happened to Christian monasteries. They became so repressed, just afraid. The same can happen to you if you become afraid too much of the crowd. The crowd cannot do anything unless you cooperate, so it is a question of your alertness. Don’t cooperate!
This is my observation: that whatsoever happens to you, you are responsible. Nobody else is doing it to you. You wanted it to be done, so it has been done. Somebody exploits you because you wanted to be exploited. Somebody has put you into a prison because you wanted to be imprisoned. There must have been a certain search for it. Maybe you used to call it security. Your names may have been different, your labels may have been different, but you were hankering to be imprisoned because in a prison one is safe and there is no insecurity.
But don’t fight with the prison walls. Look inside. Find that hankering for security, and how the crowd can manipulate you. You must be asking for something from the crowd — recognition, honor, respect, respectability. If you ask them, you have to repay them. Then the crowd says, “Okay, we give you respect, and you give us your freedom.” It is a simple bargain. But the crowd has never done anything to you — it is basically you. So get out of your own way!

Monday, March 3, 2014

Tact and Diplomacy in Hell

Last week I posted this meme on my FB wall and decided to take it on as a challenge...

"I've been thinking lately of all of the memorable experiences you've given me.  I feel like the journey we've had together is transitioning into something new and am excited about what lies ahead for both of us. I see you moving into a place of warm contemplation allowing the fire of your path to consume you fully. I encourage you to embrace that fire and allow the firm foundation of that space to serve as a safe platform to launch into the depths of the dark unknown. I affirm you are deserving of all that awaits you there and will watch, with joy, from the horizon as you reap all that you have sown. Enjoy the path… and blessings upon that beloved one." how'd I do? (chuckles)

In Love ;)

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Living Without Sin

Song of the Moment: Love Will Save The Day feat. Miss Modest by JD73

A stunning portrait crossed my feed yesterday that inspired me to write tonight. This is an example of the alchemy of the Self, digitally. I logged on, had the most amazing photography cross my feed and as I allowed myself to be absorbed into its artistry... symbols, ideas and inspiration began to emerge. 

I contacted Giselle, who is a model in-world and had the portrait done to reflect overcoming a difficult time in her life. She said to me as I inquired about it: “I had this photo made because even when my life was turned upside down I never missed my mark and push(ed) forward in spite of.” It was captured brilliantly as it is the feeling engendered in me when I saw it.

"The Foot Archer" used with permission
Giselle Chauveau Moore (

I reached out to Giselle because the symbolism of the piece is exceptional. I explained to her that few know that literally the word “sin” is an archery term that means "missing the mark.” I continued, that the term as originally used in a Christian context means we that we have not understood what our focus should be placed upon. Forgiveness is about accepting that you have gone in the wrong direction and are choosing another path. 

Additionally, the "Passion" of Christ is also symbolized in some other forms of spirituality as a man hanged upside down. It is a releasing of the ego to allow something more Divine to take the lead. It symbolically means "the destruction of self brings life to humanity"

My inspiration was further guided tonight by a discussion with my in-world son, who came to me faced with being challenged in RL about his faith and lifestyle. He began questioning himself and as with most of us, questions of morality, guilt and shame were present. He usually comes to me at times like these and I am always happy to be a non-judgemental witness to his growth. I listened and responded:

“I can't tell you how to live your faith. It is a journey you walk alone. You have to come to your own understanding and become "a law unto yourself.” There are many interpretations of the bible. If you go to the Bible Gateway website, there are no less than 15 versions of it. You must also consider there are MANY MANY other religions and even more, "non-religions" all based upon faith. Morality resides within you, because even you will interpret whatever you read or hear in your own way based upon where you are in your life. Religion should be a guide, however, if YOU believe something in your life is "wrong" and feel shame, then you MUST examine it and then make a decision about it. No one can live your life but you. Noone will be accountable for YOUR decisions but YOU! Often people want to guide you to their way of living because you are making them uncomfortable within THEIR own faith, but you have no control over that.”

I then asked that he pray about it, decide and release it.

I would invite you to do the same as you move forward in your life. Empathy is guided not by religion, but our own inner compass as we experience and understand our lives and purpose. Happiness is God’s promise, but can only be evaluated by each of us in our own unique life experiences.

Allow yourself to hit the target… follow your bliss and live the life you have dreamed of.

Peace, Love and many Blessings 

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Valentine's Day Full Snow Moon ღ

February 14, 2014 ღ
Goddesses Isis (Auset) and Selena step forward this Full Moon and occurs in the 
astrological sign of Leo. 

Goddess Selena is a Greek moon goddess, she assists souls with emotional healing and nurturing ourselves. Isis/Auset is an Egyptian moon goddess who assists with past lives, magic and healing. She says of this moon “Now is the time to seek out who you are; to reconnect with the soul within and to love, nurture and cherish that soul. To willingly release the past pains and let go of your identity attachments to them. This moon supports you as do I and Selena in finding who you are and how comfortable really you are within yourself. By loving and nurturing yourself, honoring yourself and nurturing the goddess aspect of yourself, which you all have, men included, you feel contentment, happiness and peace. Utilize this moon’s healing energy as the final clearances that your soul (higher self) and your guides are wishing you to tackle at this time are released. Powerful healing can occur for you with this full moon’s energy and it is a privilege to assist you with this.” - Fiona Murray

"By living a symbolic life, we can shape our destiny with the archetypes as our guides.   When we live in the belief system or story of patriarchy, we are living an unconscious life--one that has been laid out for us from birth.   We are shaped by our culture and so we respond to life from old habits and beliefs that might not serve our best interests.   The only meaning we find in life is the one dictated by patriarchy.   At the moment, patriarchy would say our life's purpose is to be workers and consumers.   

When we decide to consciously live in the new Aquarian story of equality and freedom, we can use the archetypal energies to create new ways of being in the world.   By living a symbolic life, we can find a deeper meaning in everything we do.   Old rules no longer apply.   We find the gift of free will and we make choices. " -Cathy Lynn Pagano

The Leo Full Moon occurs on February 14, 2014 at 3:53pm PST/ 6:53pm EST/ 11:53pm GMT. 

Sunday, February 9, 2014

2012, Digital Alchemy, The End and Beginning

As I begun 2012 I had no idea the level of loss and heartbreak I would experience. Within the first 6 months I had attended 2 funerals, spent hours navigating the care of a dying relative and suffered an unexpected and deeply painful loss and betrayal in my virtual life. I had heard a lot about the Mayan predictions for the “end of the world” but only later did I fully realize it was not the end of the physical world, but of the world as I knew it. By the end of the summer I had lost my Father-In-Law and my children’s bereavement around the loss of their Grandfather was a more difficult than the experience of my own grief. Alchemy is a power or process that changes or transforms something in a mysterious or impressive way. The purifying flames transmute our life, allowing it to grow into something richly more precious and valuable. Experiencing losses like these are when most of us turn to faith, or belief or hope in something greater than ourselves to bring us through the intensely painful emotions that pervade our existence.

I began to explore the spiritual side of myself more deeply. It was a time when I questioned everything that I believed, and challenged my higher power to remove my doubts by setting my heart free. Many of my friends, online and offline were experiencing some pretty significant losses in health, relationships, and family as well. Each of us has lived to endure these heart-breaking experiences in profoundly spiritual ways. Perhaps this was “the End” of the 2012 prophecies.

By the end of the Fall 2012, I’d lost a very good online friend as well as trust in a supportive group I discovered did not serve my life purpose. Despite my lamenting (and at times overt denouncing of) the presence of any God or metaphysical support in my life, I continued to receive gentle guidance as I escaped into my online worlds. Facebook and Second Life became my refuge and I constantly awaited signs or messages via the people I had connected with there. There were times when my prayers were answered with a meme, or random post by a friend; a conversation on a podcast or in SL local chat. At other times it was a randomly received link, YouTube video or blog post. The best were those times when I would log onto Second Life or Facebook and received a message from a friend with a question about their own lives, the answer to which became guidance for my own. It was as if “the web” provided the means to connect with a network of people, symbols and potentials, I had not yet experienced in my life …at a time when I desperately needed answers… and hope!

Experiencing these amazing synchronicities as I moved into 2013 were difficult to deny, but I did just that feeling no sense of relief from what I believed were more burdens than I was deserving of. I started the year raw and in pain. As the seasons progressed I was online less as my tangible world was subjected to new experiences of betrayal, abuse and narcissism that forced a reevaluation of the way I viewed my life, my relationships and my Self. There was tremendous emotional pressure to become something else, although I had no idea “what’?

There were times when the pain became so difficult I wanted desperately to climb out of the valley onto familiar ground. I wanted to try to recreate the past, knowing in my heart that things would never be the same. No matter how badly I wanted to relive the memories of happier times, the reality is that once the experience was shattered, the pieces no longer fit together the way they had before…which created more pain.

In October I suffered one of two of the most devastating losses of my lifetime. My Grandfather, who has been a mentor, guide and loving male role model for my entire life, died unexpectedly after 3 days in the hospital for an abdominal aneurism. This was a turning point. I had struggled with lots of questions over the course of my lifetime, the most prominent in my early 30s when I began to seek answers about my true life purpose. The preceding 18 months, however, had provided experiences that caused me to question life itself… Love, Being Loved, Loss, Trust, Betrayal, Forgiving, being Forgiven…

Losing my grandfather caused every question to collapse into one… what makes me happy? It brought new meaning to my life and the way I view each experience. I am learning to ask this question constantly “does this contribute to my happiness?” and my answer now serves as a guide. It has not been as easy as it sounds as you might find if you have not yet put into practice this very simple moment-to-moment inquiry. Learning to answer truthfully, authentically has meant doing things I previously would have never considered and refusing to do things I once jumped into willingly. Each “yes” or “no” seems to be gently guiding me toward a life I never thought possible and although I have not yet arrived, it is the journey I am focused on now. I still hurt as I explore old and new loss, but the recovery time is much quicker each time. I learned tonight that an estranged half brother died last June. I mourn for him, but accept the loss because I understand that it will only make me stronger as I allow myself to experience my grief.

My recovery is ongoing, and I am still learning… but I am also evolving into someone I’d never foreseen. I am learning to love more authentically, to trust more liberally and to forgive those who have wronged me. I am learning that some relationships are brought into our lives to teach us how to let go, so that we are able to expand and make way for something greater as we seek purpose.

I am looking forward to all that 2014 will offer me, and release fear of the unknown opening the way to fully allowing my creative self to invent the life I have prayed for… to manifest dominion over the life promised to me when I entered this lifetime.

…and for that I am filled with gratitude Gratitude, GRATITUDE.

Ashe’.Selah <3


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