Friday, August 29, 2008

SL/RL Synthesis Note (18): "Fulfilling the be FREE"

Song of the Moment: "Free To Be Me" by Havana (lyrics below)

Having been raised a southern (US) Christian, in 1994 I began to question the accuracy of all I had been taught about who I am and God's purpose for my life. These questions had been taboo before then. I was told, I should never ask… "it is a matter of faith and trusting in the promise." No one was ever clear about what that promise was, other than to say that I would be eternally happy when this promise was fulfilled. 

...and so I  waited, steadfast to occupy my time with achieving all the things I was told to achieve. "Its all part of the great and divine plan!" So when I felt unsure, or unsuccessful, or plain unhappy in relationships, career, LIFE... I felt guilty that these feelings of discontent must come from being unfaithful.  I needed to stop asking, to give harder, trust harder, and believe harder that one day the promise would happen and end all my misery.  It has been a long hard struggle and in recent years this yearning for something greater has grown within me…stirring my soul and keeping me uncomfortably restless.

Unhappy, unfulfilled .... I hear these words so often relative to relationships. We look to "others" to provide the satisfaction we want in our lives desperately. It is inherent within us to want to connect, and as such feel hope that those "others" will provide us with the missing pieces to our lives, completing us and making us whole. 

Fourteen years have passed since I first began to question. I have had many stops on the journey to self-discovery, which I didn't understand at the time, but for which I am eternally grateful. Second Life has been a huge stop in the road! 

One thing I've learned...(as the pervading MESSAGE has been) that relationships are of divine importance. When I was weak, I used my connection to others to get stronger. When I was strong, I have been the source of strength for those who felt weak. There were times, when I'm sure we were a drain on one another.  The struggle has been in learning to manage my relationships in a way that allows us to grow facilitate an even, constant flow of energy. To let go of control, in the giving and receiving, as I did many times trying to escape the pain of learning to BE. To escape the pain in learning to seek love from within... in seeking the serenity of accepting the things I can not change, the courage to change only those things that I can and finding the wisdom to know the difference.

People have been placed in my path at every crossroad to give me the experience needed to answer the pervading *question* at the time. Some have been helpful, and some have been hurtful. All have taught me something. Second Life and the relationships I've developed here, have allowed me to escape reality long enough to BEcome real... to allow to manifest within me, that which I had only held as a promised fantasy.

Learning to live and love fearlessly… fulfilling a promise to BE!

With love and blessings,

"Free To Be Me" by Havana

(Poetic Lyric Intro)
In these times we make sounds for the future
We bring movement when all is still
Hold moments in
    and held the moment
Give in to the experience
Be broken down by the challenge
Use the heart as stone
Break free
Turn inward
Embrace the invisible
Defy the gravity
Make strong the anatomy
The world is your place through time
Be the living when all else seems to be dying
For this is life
Living in fearless emotion
A transcendence above the ocean
A path we all travel
An emotional road in defiance of gravel
In time and sound 
Life... in fearless emotion
Mind, body and spirit bound
Living in fearless emotion
Living in fearless emotion...

I'm living my life on my own terms
Oceans of tears I've cried
Lessons I've learned
The beauty of it all
Just looking at the past
I see it before me, at a glance

I'm living my life, free to be me
Free to BE me
I'm living my life, free to be me
Free to BE me

So many times we stumble and fall
Coping to adjust 
     to it all
The future its so bright
     a new day at last
Let's comprehend the meaning of free


This is my life
    This is my life
        My life
           My life


Sunday, August 17, 2008

Sl/RL Synthesis Note (17) "Growing...PEACE by piece"

Song of the Moment: "Grown Apart" by Lisa Shaw

For almost a year and a half I have lived a significant part of my life in SL. In that time I've seen and experienced a lot. I've seen many places and people come full circle. It's a continuous cycle for "residents" here...those of us who become immersed in this virtual paradise or prison (dependant upon where you are in the cycle). I have created lasting relationships with many, a few of whom have left SL and I've never heard from again.  Their impression on my life, however, is everlasting.

We live here, we love here and if the circle is closed, we have learned.

Second Life can be such a euphoric experience. The limitlessness of this place allows so much exploration.  The inevitability of change, however, impacts us no matter where we are. As our second (and real) lives change, at each new stage we begin to ask ourselves "who is it I am, now that (fill in the blank) has happened." When we are forced to transition because of a change, we often view it as negative but more realistically, it offers an opportunity for growth. In the struggle to become more than we once were, we cling to the old and familiar out of fear of the unknown. This journey of self discovery however, must is the purpose of life.

When we are in relationship with another (romantic, platonic, parental) you are brought closer to self realization. That feeling! know the one... it overwhelms feels so good!, so right. It is a connection of something greater than the two of you, experienced through you ... it must be because you *both* feel it. Then fear enters through the back door... fear that we'll lose this feeling and so we try to control it (either by controlling the person, or our interaction with them). The sad thing is, that in that control we lose the experience…that bliss is replaced by other feelings on the spectrum between love and fear (envy, jealousy, anger, etc.)

The reality is, love is abound. It is limitless and there is plenty to go 'round. The pain we feel is part of our growth. Learning the lessons that teach us who we TRULY are. The guiding words that we must sometimes hear from someone else (or in my case through music) because we are so focused in our heads trying to label, define and control it that we can't feel the voice speaking in our heart.

You *are* a divine presence in this world~virtual and real... you are worthy... you are peace.... you are love. You need only be STILL one moment to feel this truth within you.

Thank you for being a part of my SL life and cycle, and allowing me the honor of being part of yours.

We are love! XOXO

Peace and blessings...

"Grown Apart" by Lisa Shaw

NOW what cha doing to me
Findin' a way to live
Givin' it everything
NOW what cha doing to me
There's something inside of me
It's hopeful, but bittersweet.

I think in time you will see
The memories never fade
Tell me why feel the pain?
I really hope you agree
I did what I said I would
Doing the things I should

I'm seeing clearer
We can be who we are

Now what cha doing to me
There's nothing to forgive
Giving it everything

Now what cha doing to me
We'll see what we want to see
Color the memory
I think it's time we let be
Things that we couldn't change
Won't make that mistake again!

God in my heart I believe
We do what we know we should
Heading to something good.

I'm seeing clearer
We can be who we are
The future seems nearer
We can be who we are

Inside of us,
Feels right but we trust nobody
You know it's time for us
To go our separate ways

Inside of us, feels right but trust noBODY
You know it's time to go our separate ways

Never knew it would be this hard
Didn't ever think that we would grow apart.
Never knew it would be so hard
Didn't ever think that we would grow apart.

Friday, August 15, 2008

SL/RL Synthesis Note (16) "Believing is SEEING"

Song of the Moment: "Give In" by 4hero (lyrics below)

We recently had a discussion where the focus was "secrets". I chose this topic because I find a lot of the confusion people experience around their SL relationships is either because they have been hurt by learning a secret kept by their partner/spouse; or because they feel shameful of something they have done/participated in.

For more than a year my second life was a secret I guarded faithfully. My RL husband, patient as he is, was as confused as I, as he watched me endure one of the most cathartic experiences of my life.  Even prior to SL, he was always steadfast and reassuring in my quest to "rule the world" encouraging me toward each goal ...always more confident than I that I would claim whatever "prize" I was seeking at the time. Despite my unwillingness to see the potential, his consistency in seeing more in me has been unwavering.

When I found SL, during an especially difficult time in my life,  he allowed me the time and space I requested to delve deeper into this journey to self discovery (although I didn't realize that's what it would become at the time).  Second life became a place to explore my inner most desires in a way RL could not allow. It was a gradual process...this immersion into the darkness....exploring all those things I felt undeserving of... and some things I believed dirty and un-God like in my ignorance. The guilt was like torture on some days, but somewhere within me I felt validated.

We often believe that we are unworthy of our desires, but if you agree with this, and it is how you’ve always been, then its like saying you are a mistake.  We see in ourselves who we BELIEVE we are. Seeing is not believing...believing is SEEING. We also see in others, who *we* believe THEM to be. I feel fortunate that my husband has always seen who I truly *I* walked blindly looking for that INsight.

Relationships move this self-examination process along for us. Our connection or disconnect with others tell us a lot about how we see ourselves. The things we tend to focus on...or ignore, many times are clues to the messages we tell ourselves about who we are.

What have I learned living the secret? That life (first and second) is FREE GAME, and that to discover your magnificence, there must be a part of you that is less than magnificent to chose from. You are who you are for a REASON...and if you are operating in a manner that is loving, compassionate, respectful in your choices and action you will find the inner peace you seek...

Blessings (XOXO),

[dedicated to my husband ... the love of my first ..and NOW second lives :)) ]

"Give In" by 4hero (feat. Darien Brockington & Phonte of Little Brother)

you used to wake me with a smile on your face
each morning lying next to you.
now we don't talk cause you have nothing to say
so sad wish i could help see you through.

wishing time would stand still
so you don't feel left behind (left behind)
you never thought you'd find
yourself broken, torn apart

i know they'll be times of rain
those are the days that i want to
give in
ill be your friend through the cloudy days
don't be ashamed i wont let you
give in.

sometimes i wish you could say
all the things you want me to be
but every day that that you cry
is a day that goes by
and your slipping away from me, yeah.


(Rap Verse)
Hey love I've been meaning to call you.
it seem the stress of life put cracks in your armor,
but you do it because it has to be done
although it seems like the faster you run your destination gets farther.
I wish that i could take away your problems with a drop,
of a dime and say its all good but its not.
your dreams get undermined
accounts get overdrawn
no matter the case girl
i'm waiting with open arms.

(Chorus) X2

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