Sunday, May 17, 2009

The Stolen Life (Synthesis Note [29])

Song of the Moment: “Sometimes Dancin’” Brownstone (lyrics below)

“Sometimes [people] try to sneak their inner life…because people are desirous of having the ESSENCE [of] the thing that reminds them of true consciousness, true love, true relationship with … spirit, and the soul… It’s that feeling… they’re after (whatever their proclivities are)… Sneaking a life because the real one is not given room enough to thrive, is hard on vitality...and the captured and starved people sneak all kinds of things... The stolen life is a half life…because it does not allow a person to function like a normal person.... it causes them to though they are a furtive and captured person.”
      ~Clarissa Pinkola-Estes
The Red Shoes: On Torment and The Recovery of the Soul Life

Many of you know that I have danced tirelessly with my relationship to Second Life. Some days I feel like a ballerina leaping effortlessly in pirouettes and chaînés across the grid, while others I feel tortured like a private dancer called to sway endlessly to the intoxicating melodies.

I have flirted frequently with the idea that I am addicted to SL. As a mental health professional RL, I am trained to look for pathology and there are many times that I’ve felt that SL is used as an escape that is unhealthy for me. After all, I tell people all the time that if you spend five consecutive hours per day doing any one thing, it’s worth examining. I love Second Life. I have learned more about myself (who I am and who I am NOT) in the past 2 years, than I had in the previous 30 “something” (grin). I’ve rationalized that anything that feels this good, can’t be bad for me.

A few months ago I went public and called it an addiction. Not in my playful chiding, but a serious admission as the initial step to what I’d hoped would become the “first step” of my “recovery”. Although my PATH-ology was not completely indicative of an addiction, I was dancing tirelessly, uncontrollably and wanted to reclaim “productive” time.

Earlier this year, (2009) I came to a crossroad where I was no longer able to understand how SL fit into my real world. I believe everything happens in cycles, and in my early stages of SL residency, most of my time was productive! I am very proud of the relationships I’ve developed and the growth of the SL/RL Relationships Discussion Group. The discussions are always lively and the attendance and feedback encouraged me to continue to do them. Additionally, some of my SL relationships have provided a means to examine my RL relationship with my husband and the things about my marriage that are healthy and valuable! I made many positive changes, becoming more serious about my writing (a passion abandoned early on as I was socialized to believe it was not a valuable pursuit) and reevaluating my career path.

Logging in almost daily for two years has become a part of my daily routine “…go to work…pick up kids…help with homework, baths, kids to bed…SL time”. Although active with the in-world group and SL commitments, (which I felt was an extension of my RL work and a means for volunteerism), SL has become less productive and more of a distraction from my efforts to integrate my new connection to my creative self…the Writer Reborn.

I am realizing that its time for a new routine. Not that SL will not continue to be part of my real life, but that it is time to redefine what role it will have as I rearrange my life to incorporate all that I have learned…

So call it an addiction… or a distraction…at some point we all must accept when it is time to let go of those things in our lives that no longer serve us. I have embraced Second Life, for the positive service it has provided my life, and hopefully the lives of others… my husband, children, friends, clients and just perhaps you as you are reading this now (smile)…

Thank you for being part of my Life (First & Second)
                                               … Self Discovery
                                               … Self Acceptance
                                               … loving and allowing me to Love!                                          

In Love, Peace and Faith…

P.S. to follow me DEEPER in the water…read “The Devil’s Red Shoes” at ([smiles] Bless XOXO)

“Sometimes Dancin’” Brownstone

I never knew that you wanted me so bad
Feelings now convert to love
Can’t look to your eyes
I’m too afraid to see
Where we might end up tonight

Maybe it won’t be so bad
After all I’ve never had
Loving where one moment’s all it took

Sometimes dancing can make you fall in love
The way your body moves before you eyes

Sexy movements keeps you dreaming of
All the little games you play at night

(Brownstone -- coming straight to attack ya
  B R O W N S T O N E, Brownstone)

Gotta be careful
We just might be too close
I don’t know if that’s so good

We shared that moment
And now it has to end
Want to see you once again if I could

Maybe it won’t be so bad
After all I’ve never had
Loving where one moment’s all it took


When you dancing boy, I make you go crazy
Want your every move to keep you daydreaming
While you only have me body for one night
Wanna make you move
Wanna make you groove and you feel alright

CHORUS to fade


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