Thursday, November 20, 2008

SL/RL Synthesis Note (24): *I* Set ME Free

Song of the Moment: "Sojourn of Arjuna" by Bela Fleck & the Flecktones

It has been sometime since I've written a note. In recent months I've been seriously contemplating the meaning of my life... first and second. My relationship with SL continues to be a battle, for which I have consistently sought a peaceful resolve. There are no words to express what I have gained and lost in my time here and in a few days, I will meet my rez day for the second time. I began the SL/RL Relationships Group discussions as I sought answers around SL relationships and only recently have I discovered that it is my relationship with SL that is of primary concern and importance for me.

The question has always been, "Who am I and what am I supposed to be doing?" I grew so tired of the rigor of RL and the constant anxiety around fulfilling some societal, predetermined life purpose, that ultimately I was forced to surrendering to something outside of myself (out of my realm of control) to give me guidance and direction.  It was then that I found SL. The connections I have made here have filled me with joy, fear, pain. Through exploration and experimentation, I have experienced many of the fantasies and ideals I had convinced myself would fulfill my RL if given the opportunity. I learned, however, that many of these fantasies were more facades which only continued to distort my view of who I am and my purpose for being. Regardless of who I pretended to be, the end result was always the same...a feeling of being unfulfilled.

I believe that I chose my life journey, prior to being conceived (human and avatar). That some how I was predestined to walk this path of self-discovery over the infinite possibilities. To discover my "self"... who it is I am destined to be. As I've traveled, however, I have been waiting for this discovery as though it would just show up one day and set me free. I would have arrived at my destination, achieved the goal! What I am beginning to understand, is that life is not a destination or is a CHOICE, a decision, a process of creation. I am learning that I can create whatever life I want in each moment if I can let go of needing to control the outcome. Letting go of the disappointment of things not turning out exactly as I had planned, but accepting and appreciating that I may be (co)creating something new, of which I would have never planned for or expected on my own. A partner and friend of the "Infinite" which reminds me that there are no mistakes.

 ... and with that understanding, I am accepting that the answer to my problems is knowing that each person, place or situation placed in my path is exactly the way it is supposed to be at that moment.

I am listening to my heart
      and in each moment
            making a choice
               stepping out on faith
                    and creating my journey.
Join me in manifesting destiny!

With love, peace and blessings

"Sojourn of Arjuna" by Bela Fleck & the Flecktones

So Arjuna and Krishna
   you know they're hanging out on the battlefield
Arjuna is like tired of war,
   he's trying to get out of this battle
so Krishna drops a little science on him,
   he says "You know, it's the way of spiritual growth
    a man must go forth from where he stands
    he cannot jump to the absolute, he must evolve toward it."
Krishna says, "At any given moment in time we are what we are,
   Arjuna we have to accept the consequences of being ourselves
   and only through this acceptance can we begin to evolve further
   we may select the battleground but we cannot avoid the battle."


so Krishna tells Arjuna,
   "It follows therefore that every action under certain circumstances
     and for certain people may actually be a stepping stone
     to spiritual growth."
Arjuna is to do the best he knows
in order to pass beyond that best to better
How can we prescribe our neighbors to be perfect
when it is so hard to know our own heart?

The pacifist must respect Arjuna
Arjuna must respect the pacifist.
Both are going toward the same goal.
If they are really sincere
There's an underlying solidarity between them
Which can be expressed
Each one follows without compromise the path upon which he finds himself
   for we can only help others to do their duty
   by doing what we ourselves believe to be right
   it is the one supremely social act.

So, Krishna's reply to Arjuna occupies the rest of the story
It deals not only with Arjuna's immediate personal problem
But the whole nature of action
The meaning of life
   and the aims for which man must struggle here on earth.

At the end of the conversation Arjuna has changed his mind
He's ready to fight, he's ready to go ahead on
It is the way of spiritual growth
   a man must go forward from where he stands
   he cannot jump to the absolute
   and the battle begins...


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