Posted by Acuminous Watanabe on 2:29 PM
Song of the Moment: "Sojourn of Arjuna" by Bela Fleck & the Flecktones
It has been sometime since I've written a note. In recent months I've been seriously contemplating the meaning of my life... first and second. My relationship with SL continues to be a battle, for which I have consistently sought a peaceful resolve. There are no words to express what I have gained and lost in my time here and in a few days, I will meet my rez day for the second time. I began the SL/RL Relationships Group discussions as I sought answers around SL relationships and only recently have I discovered that it is my relationship with SL that is of primary concern...
Posted by Acuminous Watanabe on 2:34 PM
Originally Posted 11/05/2008
Song of the Moment: “Believe” by Q-Tip feat. D’Angelo (lyrics below)
Yes We CAN!!!
November 5, 2008 - As I write this family, I am so emotional my hands are shaking. I am so filled with joy, hope, and love with what I witnessed yesterday and last night. The election yesterday wasn’t just about the man who won, but the power of unity. A collective of people united for a purpose.. and a dream conceived, manifested! You made this happen… YOU the person reading this… the vital one of the whole.
As I stood in line for over 2 hours in the rain to cast my ballot, my heart was overwhelmed by the diversity of the faces,...
Posted by Acuminous Watanabe on 2:38 PM
Originally posted 10/18/2008
Song of the Moment: "Love Will" Ra-Re Valverde (feat. Paul Harder)
(lyrics below)
Over a year ago I awoke from a nightmare when I finally asked the question "what exactly is the point of it all?" Having reached all that my grandparents insisted I achieve "college educated, married, career mother of 2.5 kids (a daughter and boy/girl twins ~complete with the material accessories)," I felt disconnected, numb and unhappy.
It all felt pointless until I reevaluated what success is. It is so easy to overlook your blessings and be ungracious when you are focused on all the things you still need to acquire. In this constant...
Posted by Acuminous Watanabe on 2:41 PM
Song of the Moment: "Love's Victory" by Ronnie Laws (lyrics below)
As most of you know, I recently entered my darkest hour. There had been many seasons of darkness before it, but this by far was my deepest test of Truth. You know, at every crossroad, I have tried to examine the paths to understand the lesson and in choosing my direction, always felt *I* had finally turned the last corner...that bliss was just ahead in the distance. What I failed to realize is that on this journey, each crossroad forced a chipping away at a heavy load I have carried for a long time.
In this last stop in the road, there was little left and *I* felt defeated . All that was left, was that which I most used to define my SELF. Surely *I* had done enough…had worked hard and *I* was ready for the reward. However,...
Posted by Acuminous Watanabe on 10:43 PM
Originally Posted: 09/21/2008
Song of the Moment: "If I Need To Move On (Sometimes)" by Ladybug Mecca (lyrics below)
The past couple of weeks have been challenging. Thank you to those closest to me, who have expressed genuine care and concern around my disconnect in SL and RL. There are times in your life when you have to learn to let go of the old to make room for something new. As persistent as I have been in following the path to something greater than myself, my faith has been tested more in the past month than ever before. A stand off between me and my faith ensued, when I questioned the point of it all. To hell with all this metaphysical, conceive~>believe~>achieve bullshit, I want the red pill to go back to sleep in physical reality and to enjoy the mirage...to feel good...
Posted by Acuminous Watanabe on 3:33 PM
Originally Posted: September 13, 2008
Song of the Moment: "Life" by Havana (lyrics below)
This past week, my SL relationships threw yet another crushing blow to my sense of self. It's funny how life always seems to throw you for a loop just when you think you've got steady footing and have figured this whole thing out. As usual, I had an expectation, it was not met and I felt disappointed, unappreciated, blah blah blah... fill in the blanks... y'all know what I'm talking about.
The irony is that the disappointment I felt around this particular relationship/incident brought more clarity than any single experience I've had since coming to SL...hell...
Posted by Acuminous Watanabe on 3:37 PM
Song of the Moment: "Free To Be Me" by Havana (lyrics below)
Having been raised a southern (US) Christian, in 1994 I began to question the accuracy of all I had been taught about who I am and God's purpose for my life. These questions had been taboo before then. I was told, I should never ask… "it is a matter of faith and trusting in the promise." No one was ever clear about what that promise was, other than to say that I would be eternally happy when this promise was fulfilled.
...and so I waited, steadfast to occupy my time with achieving all the things I was told to achieve. "Its all part of the great and divine plan!" So when I felt unsure, or unsuccessful, or plain unhappy in relationships, career, LIFE... I felt guilty that these feelings of discontent must come from...
Posted by Acuminous Watanabe on 3:40 PM
Song of the Moment: "Grown Apart" by Lisa Shaw
For almost a year and a half I have lived a significant part of my life in SL. In that time I've seen and experienced a lot. I've seen many places and people come full circle. It's a continuous cycle for "residents" here...those of us who become immersed in this virtual paradise or prison (dependant upon where you are in the cycle). I have created lasting relationships with many, a few of whom have left SL and I've never heard from again. Their impression on my life, however, is everlasting.
We live here, we love here and if the circle is closed, we have learned.
Second Life can be such a euphoric experience. The limitlessness of this place allows so much exploration. The inevitability of change, however, impacts us no matter where...
Posted by Acuminous Watanabe on 3:58 PM
Song of the Moment: "Give In" by 4hero (lyrics below)
We recently had a discussion where the focus was "secrets". I chose this topic because I find a lot of the confusion people experience around their SL relationships is either because they have been hurt by learning a secret kept by their partner/spouse; or because they feel shameful of something they have done/participated in.
For more than a year my second life was a secret I guarded faithfully. My RL husband, patient as he is, was as confused as I, as he watched me endure one of the most cathartic experiences of my life. Even prior to SL, he was always steadfast and reassuring in...
Posted by Acuminous Watanabe on 4:16 PM
Song of the Moment: "You Can't Stop the Rain" by Loose Ends (lyrics below)
Recently I experienced what Chan calls Dejavu-Barzane Syndrome [grin]. One of those days when I felt a rush of emotion and began to question my purpose for being: RL and SL. It’s not the first time since becoming immersed in second life that I've had this experience and it is usually followed by a moment of clarity in thought. I discover something about myself that I had been living, but never fully acknowledged.
When I was growing up, my family had very little. My mother was not always able to give my siblings and I what we needed on many levels, so my grandparents served as mentors and guides. My grandfather, who had lived through many trying times, was adamant that failure was not an option. "Too many people (in...
Posted by Acuminous Watanabe on 4:19 PM
Song of the Moment: "Bittersweet" by Siji
What is true love and how do you know you've found it? The fairy tales tell us the prince comes, prepared to rescue a damsel from all her woes and the takes the princess away on a white horse into the sunset. Most of us have outgrown that ideal for love, although the prospect of finding or being a knight in shining armor sounds romantic.
I remember when I first began customizing my avatar, I took special care in choosing her skin, eyes and shape. A true work of art, I thought, when she was finally complete. As she moved through SL, exploring and taking part in things not possible in RL (for many reasons),...
Posted by Acuminous Watanabe on 4:26 PM
Song of the Moment: "Miss Q'N" by Zap Mama (lyrics below)
I was talking with one of my four-year-old twins who refused to take off her princess costume for clothes I thought more appropriate for heading out. She told me, "When I grow up, I'm going to be a princess and I'll wear a long Cinderella gown all the time." I encouraged her pointing out (in a way she understood) that there is nothng in this world you "CAN'T" do although there are some things she "can't yet" do due to physical, social and knowledge limitations. She finally agreed to wear the costume over her clothes. :))
It is curious to me how the innocence of childhood can be...
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