Thursday, March 19, 2009

Born Again (Synthesis Note [26])

Song of the Moment: "Born Again" V feat. Jill Scott (lyrics below)

As I've moved toward self evolution and away from compulsions which don't serve either of my lives (1st or 2nd), I've begun to expand my online presence outside the walls of SL. Yesterday, I was playing around with my new twitter subscription and one of my followers posted a URL for an article about SL ( The article itself was not all that intriguing, as I find most people outside of the grid really don’t understand what is happening here for us residents. It was a comment posted by a user however, that threatened to take me back in my progress of integrating online with RL. He/she posted quite judgmentally: "I guess when you don't have a real-life you have to make one up online and pay for it on top of it... Alot of sad individuals out there.  I count my blessings everyday that I have a good job, good friends and good family and not have to resort to a fantasy world to fulfill my happiness." 

It is comments like these that chase me into thoughts of guilt and shame about my relationship with SL, which I've battled for most of my time here. Thoughts of being "less than" because of fear about what "outsiders" would think of my second life. In my self-condemnation after reading this post, I failed to acknowledge that the person writing 1) posted to an online forum; 2) anonymously; 3) in an effort to be acknowledged in his/her online presence. 

How hypocritical I finally realized!

I've focused so much effort and attention on making the fragments that are my first and second life a singularity. The irony is, every aspect of my RL is compartmentalized and before SL, I always thought this was healthy.  As I was chatting with my SL friend Reflection Freenote, he put it this way: "yes, it is dissociative in the moment, but the overall fabric is maintained through a sense of acceptance of fragmentation, and the awareness that all the pieces have of all the others:))"

Yeah! What he said! (grin) In recent weeks, I've let go of a lot... with SL on the top of my list of things NOT to do despite its place in the corner of my heart as a "thing to hold on to." I think I've been focused on letting go of the wrong thing. It is the judgments, criticisms and self-doubt that no longer serve me... in any life. I don’t expect my Caucasian friends to fully understand my experience as an African-American, (even when they try too) but I still love them, and don’t judge them for it. Why should I expect any different in my relationships with offline friends relative to my SL?

SL is just another source of love, support, self-fulfillment and connectedness. Acu was created in my RL likeness (personality wise [grin]), and although she is able to explore parts of me that may be unavailable RL, I always reserve the right to create that same aspect of me in my RL. It is all love…, a closed cycle, complete, perfect with both ups and downs. I envision the symbol for infinity turned up…cycling up and down to return up again, never ending..... 
the valleys …
and mountain tops…
and dives to the valley again... 
Blessing each experience 
As birth, life, death, resurrection... Born Again.

With love peace and blessings INFINATELY…

"Born Again" by V. feat. Jill Scott

I'm Born Again
Your Living Water never ends
I'm Born Again
Your Living Water never ends

I used to be so sad
but now a days I bathe inside your love
I can't get away
My eyes now tell a story
how lonely days no longer rule my life
now that you're with me
Never forget that day
I first decided, said "how 'bout it?" to myself
and took a leap of faith
No disappointments today
'cuz everything I've ever wanted
is inside your rain.

I'm Born Again (Baptized by your spirit)
Your Living Water (It's because of you)
I'm Born Again (but now I can feel it)
Your Living Water never ends

You made me change my ways
and I'm so glad I found someone
who can quench my thirst.
Had problems before you came in my life
now the problems in my life 
are washed away
A new beginning you have given me
all sins are forgiven, evening if I'm not worthy
Tranquility feels so good to me
Drenched by your majesty, I'm soak and wet


(J. Scott interlude to fade)

Captured...I'm captured

Write it down(so lost) rest 
Page for page (this existence) 
(I am so lost inside this ... miracle)
and by no measure (capture this) can I comprehend delicious-THIS
(Create me all over again just to experience this)

This experience ...captured and I come (so satisfying)
I am so emoted...let me KNOW

Book after book could not possibly fit
(Can't even begin) capture this love
I would start all over again...


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