ASK Acu: "What's with the Drama??!?"

Originally appeared in Metaverse Messenger Magazine (M2)

Acu,

I have been in SL for about 9 months now. It seems to me that there is SO much drama around relationships here that I really don’ t understand why I have stayed this long.  From my SL friends to my SL boyfriend, everyone has these issues and every time I turn around someone has an attitude, or is leaving SL or whatever. It’s an emotional roller coaster. I feel like the only way to avoid drama is to isolate myself and that really doesn’t make sense since I come to SL to socialize and interact with people. Surely everyone doesn’t have this much drama in their second life. I’m wondering what I am doing wrong to keep finding myself in the middle of conflict, and it wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t affecting my real life. I’ll log off after an argument with my SL boyfriend and be in the worse mood. The people in my house must think I am crazy. Save me from the dramatics so I can go back to enjoying both of my lives!

~Exit Stage Left

Thanks for writing Exit! (smile)

Let me begin by saying you are not alone in your “drama” experience in second life. I would guess if you thought more about it, you have experienced the same sorts of drama in your first life (FL) although it may not be as obvious right now because you are focused on what is going on in-world.  I actually love the word “drama” as it applies to our interactions in the world (virtual and non-virtual) because in reality, that is exactly what is happening. Each of us is writing the story as we go basing each scene on our own experiences and perceptions. If you think about the infinite number of possible paths and outcomes in our relationships, you’ll better appreciate that we can only focus on one or two at a time (Without going insane [winks]) . The paths we chose are usually those that validate the way we see the world. For example, if you tend to believe that women are shady and will take your man as soon as you turn your head, the filter you use in friendships with women will constantly scan for actions which validate your perception. Although your friend could be doing many things that contradict this view, your lack of focus on those actions will lead you almost precisely to the anticipated outcome. More often than not we write the script, with a less than desired outcome, play each scene over and over and only the characters seem to change. I attribute this old script to relationships where someone will come to me and say “why is it I keep falling in love with the same kind of person over and over.”

Its important to understand that YOU are writing the script and can choose to rewrite it at anytime. Although you can not control the actions of another person, you absolutely can change the way you interpret and respond to them. Frankly, there is no way to avoid the drama that is life. It’s these scripts that create the story that is our lives (first and second). We *do* have power over our actions however, and once you discover (and apply) THAT each NEW choice can bring us closer to the “happily ever after” we truly desire.

With love peace and blessings,
Acu XOXO