Navigating the Holes to Being Whole (Synthesis Note [30])

Song of The Moment: Vivian Green “Keep Going On” (lyrics below)

I was talking with my girl Khitten Kurka last night about the fact that I’d been “deleted” by a friend with whom I’d shared about 2 years of my second life. I’ve been grieving, angry, sad, frustrated… you know how it goes. I appreciated the support and empathy she showed as she listened to me ramble about the situation. In all honesty, it is probably better for both the “deleter” and I that we part ways as we both appeared to be looking for something that the other seemed to either distract from, or block altogether and at some point all relationships change. With change, an end always comes whether it be a change in the way the two people interpret, interact or impact one another… or as in my case an end to the relationship, which may have grown beyond usefulness for the people involved.

Despite the normalcy and sometimes health of a relationship ending, it is no less painful to make that transition than if the person had died. In my case, a death did occur. In our first lives we can’t “delete” people per se, but we can certainly walk away and not look back. How often though, do we successfully resist that urge to turn around, (just to see what was back there) and our eyes lock onto a memory of happy times and the joy we experienced at the height of the relationship’s bloom?  …then turning back to the long, rough, dark road ahead decide that maybe it wasn’t so bad after all and start moving in the wrong direction? I think many of us get stuck there and shortly there after realize why we were leaving in the first place.

The reality I,s that we all want to be loved, to feel love, to know joy. We all want and NEED to encounter and explore new territory to evolve…emotionally and spiritually. It’s the pain around these transitions that help us to appreciate how strong we are and provide an opportunity to apply what we have learned through past experiences to advance us to newer, more fulfilling relationships.

There is a poem by Sogyal Rinpoche in The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying called “Autobiography in Five Chapters”  that describes this experience perfectly. It reads…

1) I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

2) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

3) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in... it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

4) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

5) I walk down another street.

The key to this process is not to judge yourself too harshly as you endure the  “holes” in your path to wholeness, but rather “observe” the experience with the intent to grow. Learning occurs through trial and error, everything else is theory. All we can do is what we know to do in any given moment and trying something new is not always a pleasant experience…especially if you are leaving something behind that you’ve held onto for some time.

Remind yourself that you are loved, and you are WORTHY of the happiness you seek… keep moving on!

With love peace and blessings! XOXO
Acu

 “Keep On Going”  Vivian Green
The days are overwhelming
I swear I just can't tell if I'm
Coming or going, I wish I was all knowing
Cause I wanna fly, but what if I
Fall right on my face
But I can't stop here, I gotta face my fear
Or everyday before this was in vein

[Hook]
So I got to keep on going on
And I can't stop for nothing
So I got to keep going on and on and on

My anxiety is killing me
Sleepless nights I must defeat
Cause nothing's really wrong
Guess it just took so long
For me to get to the place, I wanted to be
Now that I'm here, I gotta face my fear
Or everyday before this was in vein

[Hook]
So I got to keep on going on
And I can't stop for nothing
So I got to keep going on and on and on

[Bridge]
I've gotta hold my head up high
Can't settle for just a little bit of sky
Can't be afraid to spread my wings and fly
I've gotta turn my dreams into life

[Hook]
So I got to keep on going on
And I can't stop for nothing
So I got to keep going on and on and on