…and they all fall down: Ego Collapse

This has been a ridiculously stressful few weeks. The demands of my first life have really gotten me down and I've been feeling some-kinda-way about not meeting some personal and professional goals I set for myself. Yesterday was a beast. I was running from 5:30AM until 12:30 AM trying to "make it all happen" then later in the night, as I lay awake in bed, I had a total break down...

Ego is more than the cliche' of "being selfish" many define it as. It is the FALSE self/person we believe we are. I think that SLers can understand this better than some non-SL folks because of the virtual lives we live. The grid is tremendously "egoic" as most residents live there because they can create themselves in the form of their greatest fantasy and "play" among others AS that image. We know its not real though as a quick glance away from the screen, in your wallet or in the mirror will verify for you. 

Our ego is like that for us in our first lives. Its all the things people have told you (and you have told yourself) you ARE including the things you don't LIKE being. A mother, girlfriend, side-boo, sister, student, professional … yada yah.. We ARE much more than those labels of course, but its hard to convince our ego otherwise. It says you HAVE to do this or MUST be in control of the situation or you CAN'T do that, because the ego fears what might happen if you let go of those identities. We fear being invisible. We fear that we won't matter or that we are not worthy of the love we desire. We fear being "nothing." So our ego wants to hold onto the labels because then we know where we "fit" in the world. Ego wants to "protect" us from discovering who we REALLY are… inside… you know, whatever it is that keeps us breathing, and our blood circulating. That part of us that feels the emotion, very intense emotions…

Ego Collapse

…like last night when I allowed myself to sink into some unresolved dark feelings because I simply didn't have the energy to fight them anymore. In that space of non-resistance…that space of no more fighting in my head over what I did or didn't do; should or shouldn't do, I found peace. I released it and said "whatever happens happens" something I don't normally accept even though I say I do. Its a struggle for a true control freak to relinquish trust to something unknown, but that's exactly what faith is. There is peace in accepting that even if I lose ALL of the labels, roles, relationships, responsibilities, material possessions... what is inside of me would still exist, it is undefinable, but tremendously present, loving and healing. If I allow myself to focus on THAT rather than who other people think I am, want from me or expect,  I am free to BE who I TRULY am.

So I'm grateful for the challenges I've been experiencing recently. It has been difficult, but you know what? Today...all is well! The stars could not shine if there were no darkness.

Its nice to see clearly where the light is coming from ;)

Namaste'

Acu

Find me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/acuminousone

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Love is NOT enough?!?!

I saw a meme posted in my feed created by a blogger I respect (#Necessary Blackness). He often offers some rather poignent thoughts about the experience of being a person of color in this country that I respect and enjoy. However, this particular meme really grabbed my attention as it read: "Love is what we seek and settle for until we have the courage to develop and consider a more beautiful possibility."

Having been called the "Love Guru" and "Love Goddess" for my consistent advocacy for the development of our spiritual self through our understanding of Love as a spiritual experience, I IMMEDIATELY started responding to NB about this proclaimation. What is more beautiful than love?

He was kind enough to respond "Love is insufficent" and to then link me to a post (which you can also read here), which essential proceeds to downgrade love, to attachment and acceptance of pain that has become a "religion" rooted in "fear, individualism and contradiction."

The individualism, I get to a degree, but fear and contridiction may be more within the writer than in the experience of real Love. I agree "love" and "fear" are on the same spectrum of emotion, but opposite ends of ONE experience (not something we feel simultaneously). The attachments we create to the idea of a romantic partner as the source of either of those feelings is unrealistic because no one can "make" you "feel" anything. What we feel is a direct result of how we perceive, not based upon our relationship to another person. You and I can have the same experience at the same time and have completely different perceptions about what has happened, therefore the experience is uniquely defined within each of us.

Love extends far beyond the limits of the attachments of a romantic relationship. It is an "experience" not a destination. It is not somethimg you "seek" or "wait" for. The idea of Love as a spiritual experience (that some might call God) comes from the knowing that it is something WITHIN each of us. It is not something you give or receive, it is something you SHARE and extends outside of the confines of romance which many of us spent a significant amount of time in our lives trying to "find." 

I most appreciated what love truly is when I had children, because there is a purity in the Love we share with kids (who share their Love so unconditionally) that help us to finally "get it." However, unconditional love can be experienced as soon as we are open to the understanding of who we REALLY are and being in a place where we take full responsibility for our lives and the relationships we choose to create. It does indeed take courage to realize and accept that love is something within, and I agree that this discovery is amazingly beautiful once found.

Blessings on your journey of self discovery ... 

I love you ;) <3

Acu

Carmen Rodgers "Love"

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The Other Side of Prince (or Princess) Charming...

As I have worked to support individuals, couples, and groups of people navigate the challenges of relationships online, I have come to understand how much easier it is for narcissists and sociopaths to find willing "hosts" to feed their need for control and power ONLINE. The anonymity of online networking, makes it even more appealing for these individuals as anyone can pose as several different people at once, thus creating a steady stream of potential "victims". It is VERY common, and even given my background in mental health, it was difficult to admit that I have also fallen victim to the lures of the narcissist's charm. Being falsely guided by the fantasy, and unsure who is "playing a game" and who is "real" we can all be mislead when engaged in a virtual world. This is not isolated to romantic relationships and can certainly be the interplay between platonic friends with a "non reciprocated trusting giver" and his or her "self focused, chronic taker". The BDSM community is a breeding ground for this type of dynamic and as I've watched this lifestyle become popular in Second Life, I worry about the psychological aftermath of some of these relationships.

I hold no judgements and realize that for some, the D/s lifestyle is very healthy and productive. However, I have encountered far more abusive relationships created under the premise of "consenting exchange of power" that have left people who are very loving and giving in heartbreaking devastation.

I found the article "Grooming Is Not Always Idealization..."a great introduction to how to identify and protect yourself against people who might have their own best interest at heart when drawing you into their web. It is written in the context of a male as abuser, but do not misunderstand that women are just as capable of these behaviors and traits. Other very good posts are "30 Red Flags" and  "Catch Me If You Can: Avoiding Narcissists and Sociopaths" and are both equally full of insight.

I hope that some of you are able to catch yourselves before its too late... and that for those who have already felt the pain of leaving such a relationship, that it will validate the things you've experienced and assist in your healing.


 In Love and Light... <3
Acu

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"Stand Your Ground": Zimmerman Trial bringing life to "The Purge"?

I have watched the details of the Zimmerman murder trial closely as I always find it curiously convenient which stories the media selects to distract our attention. There have been numerous cases of young African American males (and other minorities of various ages) who have been senselessly murdered or convicted unfairly for similar crimes. I, therefore, begin to ask “why this one….why now?”

Not long after huge debate over gun control following the Sand Hook tragedy, we found ourselves in the middle of a trial for justice for a man who “Stood His Ground” against the threat of a 17 year old African American male who “suspiciously” was walking through the neighborhood eating skittles while on the phone with a female friend. I don’t know about you, but who has a conversation on the phone with someone while scheming to break into someone’s home? A better question is why would you need to get out of your car to determine what street you are on when there are only three streets in the neighborhood and you are on the main street AND are an experienced Neighborhood Watchman?

I am prayerful that justice for Trayvon will be served. What horrible precedent will be set if Zimmerman is allowed to go free after deciding he is above the law? With that kind of enforcement of “Stand Your Ground” -- WHO is to judge when a person feels "threatened" enough to draw a gun and shoot someone they feel is "suspicious"? Additionally, the restrictions placed on our constitutional right to bear arms will make it so much easier to selectively decide who has the ability to protect themselves and who does not...

As we await a decision from the jury, Facebook and Twitter are abuzz with posts and tweets, some very contemptuous, about feelings relative to race and privilege in this country. The timeliness of the controversy around the Aaron Hernandez case and the divide amongst fans relative to his affluence as a rule out for his guilt despite the presented evidence is curious to me. There are even tie-ins with Paula Dean and her recent fall from grace which seem to be fueling a large racial divide around the outcome of this case. It doesn’t seem to matter that both Trayvon and George are minorities (as Zimmerman identifies himself as “Hispanic”) but the idea that “if I feel threatened and think someone is doing dirt against me” I should have the right to “Stand My Ground.” All of the tension and racial debate combined with these ideas make me nervous. Are we slowly allowing the premise behind the movie “The Purge” to manifest in our reality? (Does the scene at 1:11 below seem eerily familiar to you?)

If there is a “Not Guilty” verdict, I pray that each of you will consider what is really on trial here and look more closely at the impact a precedent like this will have on each of us… individually …as “The People.” With more restrictions placed upon our civil rights and regulations that begin to close in on who will be allowed to own weapons, we “The People” seem to be slowly backed into a corner by those in authority, while we argue and point fingers at one another! 

Please do not fall victim to further division amongst us … many of whom will be impacted the most by the precedent that could be set here.

United We Stand, Divided We Fall…

…Justice for Trayvon is Justice for All …

One Love ... Acu <3

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Falling In Love with Potential (repost)

Thank you Paul for writing such a brief but poignet message (and Thanks N'Delamiko for posting this to your feed. This message seems to be a recurring theme this month. 

"So often I see good-willed people focus much of their energy on attempting to “rescue” or “upgrade” their partner. They give unreciprocated time, love, money, energy, and advice. I’m sure you know someone doing this right now. If so, do them a favor and have a good Come-To-Jesus talk with them. The truth is they’re not in a relationship, they’re working on a science project. They haven’t fallen in love with the man/woman, they have actually fallen in love with the “ideal” of the man/woman. This is dangerous, simply because often times the “ideal” is never realized." Paul Brunson

Clearly the Divine is ready for us to hear this... ♥

Read the rest of the post here. 

Namaste' <3

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The Art of Evolution (ChuckMatrix Clip)

I am always amazed by the creativity being in a virtual world can inspire. I logged on this afternoon and received a group notice about an art exhibition for an artist named Chuck M Clip who I had not heard of. The show is closing tonight (6/7/13) so I decided to read it through. I am SO glad I did. I stopped by before the party to view the works. The prim sculptures were so powerful, they brought tears to my eyes. Just amazing AMAZING stuff....

"Eve" by ChuckMatrix Clip

I "perved" Chuck's profile and discovered his gallery and again, I was overwhelmed by the emotions his 2D artwork and 3D sculptures engendered in me.  If you are able, stop by the gallery at 
http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Funadama/95/77/31

...but at a minimum view the video ♥

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Unconditional Love and Respect

I am FEELING this dude right here. I truly do love each person UNCONDITIONALLY and try my best to see past other's pain to hold a sacred space for those in need, BUT I agree with NYOIL's perspective on this one...Meeeh about 95% (I'd love to debate him [chuckles])

This is REAL TALK, take what is useful to you and leave the rest...

NYOIL tends to be a bit self righteous on the front end. To skip to the good stuff click this youtube link ... His profound affirmation (below) starts the discussion... ♥

_______________________________________

"I will not love you "No Matter What"
I will not support you "No matter what"
I will not stand by you "No matter what"
I will not love you unconditionally
I will not always believe in you

I have expectations of you. I'm not part of your life .. to watch you [Screw] it up in front of me. I'm not here for you to take advantage of my heart or my good spirit. I'm not here to cosign bullshit behavior and tolerate it because of our relationship

hell no.

I'm here to see you WIN.. I'm here to see greatness, I'm here to see HONOR and COMMITMENT I'm here for the YOU that YOU CAN BE.

I aint here to [mess] around.. and play games while you figure shit out.. find someone else for that.
If you're in my life.. then you're at the NEXT LEVEL OF THE GAME.. the part that expects something out of you.. and if you can't live up to it.. then step the [hell] off.

I makes no pledges with Bullshit artist and [ignorant] fools.

You are either BOUT THIS [THING].. or you are not.

Now what's it gonna be!" ~NYOIL

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