Falling In Love with Potential (repost)

Thank you Paul for writing such a brief but poignet message (and Thanks N'Delamiko for posting this to your feed. This message seems to be a recurring theme this month. 

"So often I see good-willed people focus much of their energy on attempting to “rescue” or “upgrade” their partner. They give unreciprocated time, love, money, energy, and advice. I’m sure you know someone doing this right now. If so, do them a favor and have a good Come-To-Jesus talk with them. The truth is they’re not in a relationship, they’re working on a science project. They haven’t fallen in love with the man/woman, they have actually fallen in love with the “ideal” of the man/woman. This is dangerous, simply because often times the “ideal” is never realized." Paul Brunson

Clearly the Divine is ready for us to hear this... ♥

Read the rest of the post here. 

Namaste' <3

Read more »

A Goddess...

A Goddess...

is a woman who emerges from deep within herself. She is a woman who has honestly explored her darkness and learned to celebrate her light. She is a woman who is able to fall in love with the magnificent possibilities within her. She is a woman who knows of the magic and mysterious places inside her, the sacred places that can nurture her soul and make her whole. She is a woman who radiates light. She is magnetic. She walks into a room and male and female alike feel her presence. She has power and softness at the same time.

She has powerful sexual energy that's not dependent on physical looks. She has a body that she adores and it shows by the way she comfortably lives and moves in it. She cherishes beauty, light and love. She is a mother to all children. She flows with life in effortless grace. She can heal with a look or a touch of the hand. She is fiercely sensual and fearlessly erotic and engages in sex as her way to share with another in touching the divine. She is compassion and wisdom. She is seeker of Truth and cares deeply about something bigger than herself.

She is a woman who knows that her purpose in life is to reach higher and rule with love. She is woman in love with love. She knows that joy is her destiny and embracing it and sharing it with others to heal wounds.

She is a woman who has come to know that her partner is as tender, lost, and frightened as she has been at times. She has come to understand the scars of the boy in him and knows that together, love can be the relief, the healing of their wounds.

She is a woman who can accept herself as she is. She can accept another as they are. She is able to forgive her mistakes and not feel threatened by another's even when attacked. She is a woman who can ask for help when she needs it or give help when asked. She respects boundaries, hers and another's. She can see God in another's eyes. She can see God in her own. She can see God in every life situation. She is woman who takes responsibility for everything she creates in her life. She is a woman who is totally supportive and giving.

She is a Goddess"...♥"

Listen... 
Raheen DeVaughn - "Woman"

Read more »

Don't Try To Fix Me (a poem)

Don’t try to fix me

I am not broken

You’ll get a sprain

from that ego you strokin’

That horse you’re ridin’

May seem high

But my face still meets yours 

Eye to eye

You look at me

And what you see?

A projection of

Your personality…

From strokin' that ego

To beating my wall

I built it to last

You want it to fall

If you saw through the cracks

Shining light on me

Would you be afraid

Of what you see?

I am a mirror

To your soul

Clues to what’s under

The martyr you extol

Make me a distraction

So empty inside

Though relieved for a moment

Inner hunger unsatisfied.

Don’t try to fix me

I am not broken

You’ll get a sprain

from that ego you strokin’

Infinite directions

Our paths’ the same

The kinship you feel

Is from choosing this lane.

Look beyond

The problems you see

Maybe there you’ll find

...Humility...

(c) Acuminous (2012)

Read more »

SL/RL Synthesis Note (41): "Fall ...In Love"

Song of the Moment: “Fall In Love With Me” by Earth, Wind & Fire

Lyrics & Youtube Link below

I am crying as I write this note to you, but promise that I am smiling. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU and THANK YOU again for all of you who have contacted me directly, or indirectly with loving sentiments and energy to offer support during my grief.

::pauses to catch her breath again and to allow the feelings to flow::

For the past month, I have been so grief stricken, down on myself, and feeling the pain of love lost. I have been diligently searching my feelings inventory for the script for deleting the pain of love. Despite the constant support of friends and family, I have been so focused on feeling trapped by the closed door in front of me that I’ve all but ignored many open windows around me. I’ve felt scared and afraid to love again, placing distance between me and the opportunity to be healed by everything else offering hope and promise of freedom from my grief.

Last night, I finally remembered a string of previous experiences that matched my current level of distress perfectly. In each case I realized that I loved those people HARD, like I love all people… but the difference was that they walked away from that love. Each of them, I believe, had never experienced such unconditional and genuine love and intense expressions of those feelings, as I tend to provide. For me, LOVE is always the answer.. it is always, always, ALWAYS the answer and so through it all I will love you. I will always love you, although sometimes forgiveness is required to maintain that love.

I have been hiding out, holding myself back, unsure if I can handle loving like that again. It hurts… a lot! ..but I reflected back again and realized that each of those painful experiences allowed me to grow. Each time, each person came back.. and helped me to know that I was a good person, and helped them in some way during our time together. I appreciated how they had helped me too, because I realized that the only motivator for change and growth in ones life is for something to go “wrong” (even if only perceptually so) otherwise, why would we WANT to change course in our lives.

Thank you for helping me to know, through your words and encouragement, that somehow I have touched some of you. I am eternally grateful that in return, so many of you rallied around me to help me to know I am loved reinforcing my belief in interdependence and reciprocal love and connectedness.

I heard the Song of the Moment this morning on my way home from dropping the kids off to school. I have been chanting the refrain “I can pick you up turn your life around, if you fall in love with me…” over and over.  There is also a lyric in the song that says “In love with me, find yourself a part of me… …In love with me help yourself to all of me”

I am in love with you… each of you… falling…

Love is the answer… ALWAYS the answer… I don’t have to be afraid… I can FALL in LOVE with you… and you with me! :D

::/me JUMPS...floats ...and smiles::

Forever and Ever… I love you XO

Acu

“Fall In Love With Me” by Earth, Wind & Fire

Listen via Youtube Here!

I can tell you that love

Is too deep to be played on

Down the line, you'd find

Time would reveal who to count on

I'm well inclined to use the lines

That comes from the learning tree

Let the seed that grows, and ages old

Give us our destiny

Baby, you know, I could pick you up

Turn your life around

If you fall in love with me

I would build you up, never let you down

If you fall in love with me

If you're having second thoughts from the past

I can cool you out

I've been there before, right down to the core

I can sing and shout

I can't hold back what I feel

I bring experience

I'll be your rock when Gibraltar falls

Baby, give me a cause

Baby, you know, I could pick you up

Turn your life around

If you fall in love with me

I would build you up, never let you down

If you fall in love with me

Baby, in love with me, find yourself a part of me

Baby, in love with me, help yourself to all of me

I've got your number and I wanna shout

I dig you baby, come and check me out

Read more »

Synthesis Note (36): "A Lesson in Humility"

Song of the Moment: “Insane” Tamara Wellons  (lyrics below)

A Lesson in Humility

Trying to juggle two lives can be a crazy experience. The demands can be overwhelming. In recent months, I have felt more and more like I am going insane. Have you ever feIt that you’re trying to do the best you can, but often feel like it is never enough? I ask myself, that for all I try to be for others, why is life so difficult for ME? I have tried with great effort to search internally for the source of these feelings… to find and fix them, so that I can get on with my life in a happy and productive way. I am realizing that PRIDE, may be the culprit and that my understanding of what it means to be prideful, especially when in relationship, may have been significantly off.

I was talking to one of my best friends this morning about a devastating blow to my sense of self worth and value. The erosion of a relationship that has meant a lot to me has sent me into a tailspin. This relationship offered an opportunity for reciprocal love and affection, which is almost heretical for me. The break down was initiated by me, instigated by me and propagated by my thoughts of self righteousness and an attitude that “I am in complete control of my life, to include how others function with me, and that I need to manage difficult relationship situations by isolating myself.”

My friend listened attentively and provided loving support (God bless you Dainie Fraina) and when I began to ask “why me?” she gently replied “maybe this is a lesson in humility.” The words resonated with me so deeply, I stopped crying for a moment and decided I needed to write…to organize my thoughts, to tap into this message she was able to give me.

Growing up, my caretakers were diligent in teaching me a strong sense of pride. This was encouraged by helping me to know that I was better than “that” and could excel in anything I set my mind to. As a poor, African-American family with few social supports for courageous effort, I believed that sacrificing the things I wanted in lieu of that which would represent my family well, was what life is all about. The problem, however, is as I got older, I began to realize that there is more to life than public notoriety and that although my family was pleased, I was not happy at all.

To say that I am a prideful person, would probably be an understatement. I am not used to being cared for by others, and often feel obligated to take the lead in caring for everyone else, their needs and desires. In the interim, I feel lost, alone and afraid and often isolate myself with the belief that the “good” is for everyone else, not me. In that way I call myself a humble servant and justify the self sacrificing as a sacred and selfless. As I thought about Dainie’s suggestion, however,  I understood how crippling my pride has been. Although healthy pride can encourage us to great things, the problem with
self-pride is that it is a distancing attitude, that separates us from what we need the most… to be able and willing to lean into the depth and wisdom of others.
Perhaps in my case, the ‘need for pride’ has been more about a  deep, pathological ‘need for a sense of significance’ and if I am “sick” I have to ask how legitimate, then, is pride in my life?

In relationships the expectation has seemed to be that I would “take care of it,” whatever “it” might be, which ultimately lead to feelings of obligation and sometimes superiority, because in my mind, no one could afford for me to be “weak” or to “not know what to do.”  From that space, I developed an expectation that in exchange for the sacrifices I make for my relationships, that my family, friends, acquaintances, should be available for me, and agreeable to whatever it is I needed, or asked. After all, I was sacrificing my own needs for them, … or so I would tell myself.

Pride affects all of life's relationships. When we become jealous of someone, pride is the root. When we re embittered toward competitors, pride is lurking underneath. When we put someone down; when we covet our neighbor's possessions; when we say, "I can do it better;" when we give someone the silent treatment; when we gossip; when we get our feelings hurt; pride is the reason.

Humility is about a willingness to be self-abasing, to appreciate that in the way we care for others, we too need care. It’s a willingness to accept the love of others and to be supported in ways that allow us to continue to grow and  in the process being supportive of other’s growth. It is letting go of the …need, desire, compulsion… to do and/or be it all, and to allow others the pleasure of “doing” too, and thusly supporting their sense of self value and competence.


Seeking peace in the pieces… and reclaiming my sanity and sense of Self…

In love, peace and humility…
Acu
XOXO

p.s. I found tremendously helpful an article at http://www.livestrong.com/article/14711-handling-pride/ on the impact of self pride. Great definitions and an activity for some self exploration. Hope you find it useful too…

“Insane” Tamara Wellons

La dah dah dah doh, dah dah dah dah doh…

Tried to cry
…the stress away
Tried to cry it out
Dealing with my head…
Dare to close my eyes and dream
…can make the tears flow down my face
Some days I think I’m going insane.

CHORUS
Some days I feel I’m going insane
Got to get up above my thoughts
Faith got me going today…
..trying to live this way

I am what I am
I WANT TO BE
…wanting to BE (want to BE)

(Repeat Chorus)

Part of me
Still wants to smile
Even though my soul
Falls down to the ground

I keep telling myself that…
“I’m courageous, don’t be weak”
Some days I feel I’m going insane…

(Chorus)

Ok lets stop it now…

BREAK
Some days
I feel
I’m
going INSANE
Some days
I
FEEL LIKE
I’m
going INSANE
La dah dah dah doh, dah dah dah dah doh…

Read more »

Follow The Leader (Synthesis Note [28])

Song of the Moment: “SuperWoman” by Stevie Wonder (lyrics below)

You know some people might tell you that I am the shy, quiet type (snickers) NOT! … more like the quintessential control freak! (smile) This idea of following the leader has become a recurring message for me as I somehow can’t seem to figure out how to make this idea of life and relationships work consistently. A long time SL friend of mine recently accused me of “not wanting to be happy,” which certainly is not the case… (although my best writing usually happens when I’m in the valley versus on the mountain top). I, however, keep finding myself in the same situations over and over, as if I am playing out a tale where the characters change, but the story always ends the same.

While on the phone today trying to advise a friend (who ironically seems to be following a parallel fairy tale), we talked about the idea that sometimes we just have to resolve that we don’t have the answer to every problem. You’ll never see books on how to be a good “follower” it’s LEADING that we all strive for, being in control. I realized however, that being a leader does not mean telling people what to do, or how to do it… it is saying to those around you “I’ll go first.”

In some situations, I am the ideal person to go first, because I have a knowledge base developed of my experiences and there are some territories I have already navigated. I, therefore, have a better probability of being able to guide others to the desired destination. There are many paths, however, that I have not yet traveled, and in those situations it would be in the best interest of all involved, to be willing to follow someone else who has been down that road and “done that.”

The hardest thing for me is the idea of having someone “lead” me. For some reason I interpret that to mean that I am inferior in some way…that I need someone else to help me. Isn’t that what relationship is about, though? Sharing the responsibility of caring for one another? If I was complete and perfect all by myself, would I even desire relationship with another? The reality is, although I may be unwilling to admit it, I DO need to be lead, to be guided down those roads less traveled. I need to hear/see/experience another’s script so that I can end this play  …this DRAMA…this TRAEGDY and finally have the happy ending I’ve been waiting for.

I’ve been a leader for so long, I think its time to learn how trust that someone ELSE may have just the answer I’ve been looking for and to have FAITH that if I am patient and truly WILLING, the people I need to lead me will come.

Even better…I’ll discover that they were here for me all along!


Faithfully,
Acu XOXO

“Superwoman” by Stevie Wonder

Mary wants to be a superwoman
But is that really in her head
But I just want to live each day to love her
for what she is

Mary wants to be another movie star
But is that really in her mind
And all the things she wants to be
She needs to leave behind

But, very well, I believe I know you-very well
Wish that you knew me too-very well
And I think I can deal with everything going through your head

Very well, and I think I can face-very well
Wish that you knew me too-very well
And I think I can cope with everything going through your head

Mary wants to be a superwoman
And try to boss the bull around
But does she really think that she will get by with a dream

My woman want to be a superwoman
And I just had to say good-bye
Because I can't spend all my hours start to cry

But, very well, I believe I know you
Very well wish that you knew me too
Very well, And I think I can deal with everything going through your head

Very well, think that I know you too
Very well, wish you knew me like I know you
Very well, but I think I can deal with everything going through your head
Your filthy head

Very well, dum dum da, dum dum da
Very well, wish you knew me too
Very well, And I wish I could think of everything going through your head

Very well, dum dum da, dum da, dum da
dum dum da, dum da, very well
And I think I can deal with everything going through your head

When the summer came you were not around
Now the summer's gone and love cannot be found
Where were you when I needed you-last winter, my love?

When the winter came you went further south
Parting from love's nest, leaving me in doubt
Where are you when I need you, like right now?

Our love is at an end
But you say now you have changed
But tomorrow will reflect love's past

When the winter came you were not around
Through the bitter winds love could not be found
Where were you when I needed you, last winter, my love?

Oh I need you baby, I need you baby

Our love is at an end
But you say now you have changed,
But tomorrow will reflect love's past oh

Spring will fill the air and you will come around,
With your summer love that will let me down,
Where were you when I needed you, last winter, my love?

La la la la la, la la la la la
La la la la la, la la la la la
Where are you when I need you, like right now?
Right now, right now, right now

Where were you when I needed you last winter, my dear
I need you baby, I need you baby, I need you baby
Oh, Where were you when I needed you last winter, last winter

Yea, Need you Baby, need you, need you baby,
Oh, you want me too need you baby
Oh where were you when I needed you last, dear
Yea

Read more »